What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars 032012

Well, we’re now three months into the last year on Earth. So far, so good.

AvX

Marvel’s big story line for 2012 is “Avengers vs. X-Men,” a groundbreaking idea that they’ve done twice before by my reckoning. But hey, it’s 21st Century Comics, so this time it’s not going to be a measly 2-issue crossover or a 4-issue miniseries. No, this thing is going to run 6 months over 500 comics. (I’m only slightly exaggerating that last part).

To make sure we don’t forget, my freebie Marvel calendar has dedicated both this month and next to the story. This image is from the zero issue of “AvX.” Yes, comics actually publish issues numbered zero. Pictured are Avengers stalwart Scarlet Witch and X-Men newbie Hope. I’ll probably be doing a Scarlet Witch month later in the year so I’ll talk about her then. I can’t stand Hope so I that’s all I care to say about her.

Siryn

It’s March, when everyone’s a little bit Irish, so in the unofficial RROY REPORT version of the Women of Marvel calendar, I’m dedicating this month to Irish X-Woman Siryn.

Theresa Maeve Rourke Cassidy is the daughter of Sean Cassidy, the X-Man known as Banshee. Like her father, Theresa has the mutant ability to create devastating shock waves when she screams. She can also use them to propel herself in flight somehow.

Banshee did not know he had a daughter, and she was secretly raised by his cousin, who was also coincidentally his arch-enemy. Eventually things were straightened out and Siryn wound up in the X-Men splinter group X-Force for several years. She’s currently a member of the X-Men splinter group X-Factor.

Banshee “died” a few years ago and I’ve read that Theresa has since taken up her father’s code-name. I don’t read X-Factor so I’ll assume that’s true.

Gone: David Jones

Davy Jones was never my favorite Monkee. That would be Mike. He wasn’t my second-favorite Monkee, that would be Micky. I’m not even sure I liked him more than Peter. But even it he was my least-favorite Monkee, he was still a Monkee and I mourn his passing.

As far as the TV show went, Davy was fine. He was the cute one, he was the one who always got the girl, he was talented and funny and had good chemistry with the other Monks.

But musically, his songs were always the most bubblegum of the bunch and he had about a 50/50 success rate between his songs and my ears. He was more Broadway than Rock and Roll, and specialized in sappy love songs.

His nadir, and possibly The Monkees’ nadir, was “The Day We Fall in Love” from the band’s second album. He doesn’t sing it, he breathlessly speaks such inane lyrics as “They’ll be rainbows reaching ‘cross the sky/And we’ll both be so happy we’ll cry.” Oh, how I hate that song. I’d much rather listen to Peter’s out-of-tune warbling.

He also marred the near-perfect “Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd.” album with his song “Hard to Believe.” In his defense, it should be noted that the album also featured three of Jones’ strongest tunes — “Cuddly Toy,” “Star Collector” and “She Hangs Out.”

Of course, for most people (but not me) The Monkees were more about the TV show than the music, and he was certainly a vital part of that equation. Even now I’m remembering how his eyes would always sparkle when he’d encounter a young woman (the girl’s eyes would sparkle in response, naturally).

And of course, we’ll always have “Daydream Believer.”

Highlights From Virtual Oscar Party II

• RR: How was the red carpet? I was watching ‘Star Trek.’

  JZ: Not as entertaining as in past years. Most playing it safe

  EB May I reiterate how much I hate ‘The Help’?

   JZ: ‎8 on the opening montage
  RR: Not feeling the love for the musical montage. How much do you hate ‘The Help,’ E-Becks?
  EB: The Help: descendants of white slave owners recount how awful it was to be forced to mistreat black people. Nothing as authentic as the oppressors telling the stories of the oppressed.
  DM: But it was life affirming.
  JZ:  Moses wins! Moses wins!
  RR:  I thought it was Sam Elliot. When did he go into cinematography?
  RR: What do you know? Someone saw ‘Hugo.’
  RR: Already with the pointless movie montages?
  DM: This is their attempt at making this pos awards show entertaining. That and having Billy Crystal’s makeup done at a funeral home.
  RR: What was the point of that? Don’t those things usually have a theme?
  RR: NOW WERE GETTING SOMEWHERE.
  RR: Laura does not share my love of J-Lo’s outfit
  DM: Did a nip just slip there on J-Lo?
  EB: Wardrobe malfunction.
  RR: No. Not a malfunction
  RR:  I’ve never cared about wardrobe and makeup, but I hope this segment never ends. I nominate J-Lo for next year’s host.
  RR: Ah, nothing like actors talking about movies.
  SE: Ronnie loved ‘Bridesmaids.’
  RR: Oh thank god ‘Bridesmaids’ did not win an Academy Award.
  TP: But Melissa was the best thing in that movie.
  JZ: Agreed. Without that character, I wouldn’t have watched the whole thing.
  RR: PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT BRIDESMAIDS
  RR: Why is the band in the balcony?
  DM: No room in the coat closet.
  SE: Bradley Cooper looks like a skeez ball with that mustache.
  LL: Hey, don’t u hate when people say “we did not expect this” … Oh come on, have some confidence! Tina Fey should be the host of the Oscars.
  CB: Finally … The Muppets!! I like Miss Piggy’s dress and jewels. Kermit looked nice, too. Why weren’t they on the Red Carpet preshow?
  RR: Oh good. a dance number. Poor George, having to pretend he’s entertained for the camera.
  RR: Wrap it up already doc crew
  CP: First playoff!
  RR: I don’t think those guys would have left otherwise.
  RR: Shoot Emma Stone, please
  SE: Shut your mouth. She’s gorgeous and hilarious.
  RR: Well, she’s one of those.
  JZ: Dog. Is. Bored.
  RR: Apes Was Robbed
  RR: Hugo is unstoppable. Except at the box office.
  EB: Nick Nolte looks like he got whipped.
  RR: He always looks like that.
  TP: Oh, another chance for Bridesmaids to win.
  RR: I would have been far more upset if Bridesmaids had won a writing award than if Jenny McCarthy had won.
  EB: This is even worse than last yr’s broadcast…
  LL: Meryl is dressed as an Oscar.
  EB:  God, I hate The Artist.
  RR: You hate The Help, you hate The Artist. What movies do you like E-Becks?
  RR:  That was a nice In Memoriam. Usually people are applauding inappropriately.
  TP: Agreed.
  RR: Dear god actors are a pretentious lot. I’d rather have pointless movie montages that listen to this.
  TP: I was kinda thinking the same thing. Don’t think that a film ever really changed my life.
  EB: God, I hate The Artist
  RR: Why, Eric? Why do you hate The Artist? It’s so joyful. I can understand hating The Help.
  TP: I don’t think he will ever virtual Oscar again.
  RR: Nah, he’s always disappointed by the Oscars. Last year he was complaining that True Grit didn’t win.
  RR: Did everyone go to bed already?
  LL: My cellphone died! And now, thanks to stupid nyc subway, we are home… E-becks is cranky, right? But he is the cutest! hahahah I think The Artist was cute movie, and really lucky to be released this year, when all these weak movies were on… Now, I want to see Hugo and already wanted to go see Iron Lady…
  EB: I wish my phone hadn’t died. VOP 2.0 was way more fun than watching the mediocre broadcast.

UPDATE: The Only Oscar That Matters (2012)

Oops. Turns out I had the wrong video for Dimanche/Sunday, which means there is only one contender online. The RROY REPORT regrets the error and I have removed the wrong clip.

Once again it’s time to examine the contenders for this year’s Academy Award in the category of Best Animated Short Subject. It will be a short post this year because only one of this year’s nominees is available to watch online.

I don’t know why some animated short subject makers decided to get all uppity, but if that’s the way they want to be, fine. I won’t even talk about the ones I can’t find on the Internet. Take that, Pixar.

The front-runner for the big prize is likely  The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore. This 15-minute short has that right combination of whimsy and weird that make me love short subject animation. I have no idea what this is about, but I like it.

A young man is torn from his home like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz and winds up in a magical world of flying books. From there I’m not sure what was going on. It’s sweet and charming and well animated. I hope it wins.

At the Movies: Act of Valor

If there was ever a move that should be critic-proof, it’s “Act of Valor.” A movie about Navy Seals starring Navy Seals? Even if it was crap, who would be crazy enough to badmouth a movie about Navy Seals starring Navy Seals?

First of all, it would be un-American and probably treasonous. But more importantly — who wants to piss off the Navy Seals? Do you know how hard those people train? Do you know what they’re trained to do? Do you know what film critics do? Sit on their asses in dark theaters for hours. When the war breaks out between movie critics and Navy Seals, I know which side I want to be on.

So, coward that I am, I figured the best thing to do was skip seeing “Act of Valor” and go see the latest Jennifer Aniston comedy. After all, it’s always open season for making fun of Jennifer Aniston. What’s she going to do, sic Justin Theroux on me?  (I don’t even know who that is — I had to Wikipedia Aniston to find out who she’s currently dating.)

But then last week a commercial for “Act of Valor” comes on and The Wife says, “I’d like to see that.”

Now, rarely does The Wife go to movies with me. In fact, in order to get The Wife to go to a movie with me, it must feature one of three things:

1. Jane Austen adaptation

2. William Shakespeare adaptation

3. Hobbits

And now, apparently, Navy Seals. Since it is so rare that The Wife wants to go to a movie, I punted the Jennifer Aniston flick and we headed to Ronnie’s Cine to watch a movie about Navy Seals starring Navy Seals.

please don’t suck. please don’t suck. please don’t suck.

Well, I can honestly say that, at least as far as The Wife and I are concerned, “Act of Valor” didn’t suck. Oh, it has its flaws and it certainly isn’t the greatest combat movie ever made, but it delivered some intense action sequences and the onscreen talent — while no threat to Sir Laurence Olivier in the acting realm — had their own charisma.

And let’s face it, if this movie had been made with real actors, it would have been the Arnold Schwarzenegger/Chuck Norris type and they’re hardly a threat to Olivier’s legacy either. (And that’s right — I won’t diss Navy Seals but I have no fear of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chuck Norris.)

As to the story — a CIA operative is kidnapped by a drug lord who can connect him to a terrorist. Said terrorist is plotting a major act of violence on American soil. The Seals are sent in to rescue the CIA agent and then stop the terrorist. Not too deep a plot but sufficient for this kind of action-thriller.

The movie is at its best when its focused on the action and the Seals doing their job. The rescue sequence that opens the film was especially intense. It’s probably more entertaining if you’re fluent in military lingo.

“Act of Valor” wears its heart on its sleeve and makes no secret about being a big, red-white-and-blue love letter to the military. (The film even opens with a brief interview with the directors talking about what an honor it was to work with the Navy Seals.) If that kind of thing bothers you, stay far away. If you like your patriotism mixed with high-octane violence and sappy sentimentality, you’ll probably enjoy it.

 

 

The Pointless, Worthless List for 02.22.2012

Top 5 Topics I Never Got Around To Writing About

1. Hillbilly Handfishin’

2. Facebook Rules and Regulations, Chapter 6: There is No Privacy on Facebook, So Get Over It

3. Stuff I watch on PBS, like: “Clinton,” “Prohibition” and “Downton Abbey.” (Probably just as well I don’t write about that last one.)

4. Common Nerds and Elitist Nerds: Both Equally Annoying.

5. Phineas and Ferb. 

For the Record: The Decemberists – The King Is Dead

Nephew2 must really like The Decemberists. This is the fourth album by this particular alt-rock band that he’s tossed my way. I liked them fine, like Mumford and Sons they kinda remind me of an Irish pub band. Imagine my surprise when I looked them up and found out they’re actually from Oregon. Lead singer Colin Meloy doesn’t sound like an Oregonian to me, but then I don’t know many Oregonians.

I enjoyed the first album of theirs I listened to — “Picaresque” — but diminishing returns began to sit in with the next two records. So I was not in any big hurry to listen to “The King Is Dead.” I put it in, let it play, think “yeah, that’s The Decemberists all right,” and don’t pay much attention.

Until track 6. Halfway through the song I look up from playing Tetris and think, “whoa, that’s a catchy tune.” I let the disc play out then go back to it: “Down By The Water.”

Like many a great rock song, it starts out with a driving percussion beat, then it breaks into a Springsteenesque howling harmonica before Meloy kicks in with the vocals. It’s got a catchy, oft-repeated line that then bleeds into the chorus. Aided and abetted by nice vocal harmonies by  Gillian Welch.

And that guitar lick, so hauntingly familiar. But where have I heard it? R.E.M.! That’s vintage R.E.M. But which song? Think, man, think. FIRE….. Holy crap, they’re stealing from “The One I Love?” If you’re going to plagiarise, you probably shouldn’t steal from a song so well known.

Curious, I look it up online. Not only are the similarities intentional, but they’ve got Peter Buck of R.E.M. playing guitar. I guess it’s not plagiarism if the guy who wrote it originally is playing it with you. So now I’m paying much closer attention and notice that other songs are very reminiscent of R.E.M. (most notably “Calamity Song” and “June Hymn.”) And not sleep-inducing modern R.E.M., but the more interesting old school R.E.M.

After going back and seriously listening to this album, I declare it awesome. Definitely my favorite of the Decemberists catalogue. There isn’t a bad track to be found and several very strong tracks. If you’re pining for vintage R.E.M. you should check it out.