Facebook Rules and Regulations, part 2

Chapter 3. Posting do’s and don’ts

Facebook is a social networking service. It’s a way for people to keep in touch with their family and friends and see what they’re up to or what is on their mind. That said, far too many people don’t know what they’re doing.

RULE 1: DON’T BE COY. This is the No. 1 failing of Facebookers. It bears repeating: Don’t Be Coy. If you have something to say, say it. Say it with humor or deadly earnest, but be clear. Don’t make us beg you for details.

WRONG:  I can’t believe what I just did on I-70!

RIGHT: I can’t believe I just ran over a baby on I-70!

See the difference? In the first example you’re not telling me anything. You’re just begging for attention. You’re asking me to ask you what you did. Don’t be needy. In the second example you have told me all I need to know. Admittedly, I’ll probably still ask for more details, but I don’t need them. Oh, and if someone does ask for clarification — Provide It.

WRONG: This has been the worst day ever.

RIGHT: My son has the swine flu, my wife just ran off with Hugh Jackman and my comic book collection just caught fire. Worst. Day. Ever.

See, it’s not that much more effort to give people a status update that means something.

RULE 2: Yes, everyone loves Friday and hates Monday. We don’t need a reminder every Friday and Monday… It’s not even fairly accurate. Some people work weekends. Some people don’t have jobs and for them every day is pretty much the same.

RULE 3: Don’t post it on somebody’s wall if you don’t want everybody to see it. There is a private e-mail function.

RULE 4: Posting photos of your cattle — awesome.

RULE 5: Posting photos of your cat — not so awesome.

Chapter 4: Miscellaneous rules

Do not open a joint account. Facebook is free, you can open as many accounts as you want. Do not confuse me by opening an account for Clark Lois Kent. There’s no such person as Clark Lois Kent. I’m either talking to Clark or I’m talking to Lois — I’m not talking to some odd hybrid Clark-Lois creature. And I want to know which one I’m talking to. And I may want to friend Lois but not Clark. And let’s face it, odds are this is Lois who’s online, not Clark. I know Clark, he doesn’t know how to navagate e-mail, let alone Facebook, so just make your own page Lois and leave Clark out of this.

Put your birthday in your info status. That way I will get a notice when it’s your birthday and I can send you a nice note. So much easier than buying a card. If you don’t want people to know how old you are, you can leave out the birth year.

Chapter 5: The Facebook FAQ

What is the difference between Status Update, News Feed and Live Feed?

I have no freaking idea. It used to be you logged onto FB and all you needed to know was in the news feed. Anything your friends posted showed up there. Recently some genius split it up in unfathomable ways into three parts. Each one you click on gives you similar yet different results. It’s maddening. You constantly have to check all three in hopes you’re not missing something. And you’re getting some information that you don’t want.

Why is there a photo of me on my page? I didn’t put it there!

One of your “friends” posted the photo on their page and “tagged” your name on it, causing it to magically appear on your page. While you can’t remove it from your friend’s page, you can remove it from yours by clicking “remove tag” next to your name.

Someone wants to friend me and I don’t know who they are. What should I do?

First, check to see if you have mutual friends. If you do, ask one of them who the person is. If that doesn’t clear things up, then it depends on what you want out of Facebook. If your goal is to have as many friends as possible, sign them up. If you’re more selective, you don’t have to friend anyone you don’t want to. You can always friend someone and then unfriend them if they get on your nerves. Or you can put them on “hide” and you won’t see their posts.

What is the purpose of the ‘poke’ function?

I have no freaking idea.

Can I promote my blog, event, campaign on my Facebook page?


Why can’t I become a fan of The RROY REPORT?

I have no freaking idea. You can apparently become a fan of ANYTHING on Facebook — except the RROY REPORT. On the plus side, you can’t become its enemy either.


6 responses to “Facebook Rules and Regulations, part 2

  1. Live it , learn it, love it.

  2. Will there be more parts, because I love these! I have broken most if not all of your rules, but I do love it.

  3. Perfectly done. Well, all except the cat part.

  4. My cat IS my child, so I reject your double standard regarding picture posts.

  5. DITTO what Natalie said!

  6. On the subject of profile pics, imagine you are trying to see of your old friend Joe Bloggs is on Facebook; You enter the name and up come quite a lot of alternatives, but you can’t tell which one is your friend because he hasn’t put his FACE up. If you would like old friends to find you, be identifiable.

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