Our Pointless, Worthless New Feature

I’m on the record as not being a fan of lists. I consider them “Lazy Man’s Journalism.”

I mean, you’re a magazine editor, you’re deciding what to put on next month’s cover — you can hire some investigative reporters and send them out to dig up some dirt and write a meaningful expose and topple corrupt governments or evil corporate crooks.

Or you could make up a list!

Lists are easy. They’re meaningless. And people love them. People love to read lists and argue about them.

Fine. I can play along. So welcome to the first installment of our new ongoing series: The Pointless, Worthless List.

The Pointless, Worthless List will be compiled by a three-man committee of experts (Me, Myself and I). Decisions of the committee are final, but you are welcome to argue about it in the comments section.

The Pointess, Worthless List for 10.06.2010:

Top 5 Party Mixes

1. Chex Party Mix — fresh out of the oven.

Note: Must be homemade and warm. Chex Party Mix in a bag doesn’t make the top 4. Also, if you’re making it at home, you must add cheese balls, which are not part of the official recipe.

2. Guy’s Tasty Mix

If, like me, you’re too lazy to bake your own mix, Guy’s Tasty Mix is the greatest party mix available in a bag. The bad news: It’s not available everywhere. You can’t even get it in St. Louis unless you drive out to Warrenton. But you can order it here: http://www.guys-snacks.com/chips.htm

Note: Some people — we’ll call them ‘crazy people’ — don’t appreciate the taste of Guy’s Tasty Mix. If you order a case and find you’re one of those people, feel free to send me the leftovers.

What’s so great about Guy’s Tasty Mix? It’s so tasty. It’s your usual mix of pretzels, nuts, cheese balls, cheese crackers, oaty-o’s, and other snack crackers. All mixed in with this amazing mix of seasonings that quickly congeals on your fingers. I generally toss pretzels out of my party mix and eat later when desperate, but pretzels covered in Guy’s Tasty Mix seasoning are delicious. I don’t recommend that you eat the 3-ounces or so of leftover seasonings that you’ll find at the bottom of the bag.

3. Munchies Ultimate Cheddar Mix

4. Cheez-It Party Mix

5. Cheerios Snack Mix


3 responses to “Our Pointless, Worthless New Feature

  1. Hope you saw the Springsteen special on HBO about the making of “Darkness on the Edge of Town” while eating that horrible snack mix.

  2. Do you know how lucky you are that you live where Guy’s Tasty Mix is plentiful?

  3. Why not just call it”Guy’s Mix” and let me be the judge of the “Tasty” part?

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