When last we broached this touchy subject, I was on a float trip weekend with my “friends” (the quotation marks will become self-explanatory as I recap).
I did not sleep well, if at all, that first night because I’m not used to sleeping on an air mattress in a giant tent in the pouring rain. The next day we went on our floating expedition where I was almost drowned and my “friends” enjoyed a good laugh about it. That night, exhausted from my near-death experience and lack of sleep the night before, I drifted off into peaceful oblivion.
The next morning, the looks I got from my “friends” were as if I had shot their dogs. Apparently my “snoring” (the quotation marks are because I’m taking their word for it that I snore, as I personally have never heard it, and you’d think if anyone would be bothered by the noise, it would be the person making it.) kept them awake all night.
When I got home I took it up with The Wife.
“My ‘friends’ complained that my snoring kept them up all night.”
“Well, you do snore. Sometimes.”
“Et tu, Laurie? Why haven’t you ever bitched about it?”
“Because I love you?”
And so life went on as before and nothing was ever said of my snoring again. Oh sure, a few months back I got up one morning and found The Wife’s pillow and a blanket on the couch but I figured she just got up early to watch a Royal Wedding or something. And then there was the time I found some Breathe Right strips on my dresser. I still haven’t figured out how they got there.
Saturday night I’m at the Rib Crib in Oklahoma City and Niece1, who used to be one of my favorite relatives, says to me: “I woke up at 4:32 this morning and couldn’t sleep because of your snoring!”
“My snoring? How do you know it was me?”
“Because the sound wasn’t coming from dad’s room. It was coming from your room.”
“I wasn’t the only one in that room.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t Laura. How do you put up with it?”
“You learn to tune it out after a few years.”
“Well, you shouldn’t put up with it. You should slap him awake or roll him over or say something.”
“My ‘friends’ told her the same thing, but she’s never done it. And do you know why? Because she loves me.”
After dinner I took off for the 9:50 screening of “Thor” and didn’t get back to the hotel until after midnight. I was pretty exhausted from a long day of travel and wedding excitement, so I drifted off into peaceful oblivion.
“Wake Up! Wake Up!”
“huh? wha? fire?”
“No, you’re snoring too loud.”
And with that The Wife rolled back over and went to sleep and I lay there the rest of the night thinking, “Great. What do I do now?”
The next morning we had words.
“I had to wake you up. There was nowhere I could go to get away from the noise.”
“There’s a bathroom right next to the bed. With a door. And a nice, comfy bathtub.”
“I was afraid your snoring would disturb other people in the hotel. Did you want us to get kicked out of the hotel in the middle of the night?”
“I guess that’s a fair concern. You’re not just succumbing to peer pressure and waking me up because that’s what everyone’s telling you to do?”
“I would never do that. You can sleep in the van on the drive home.”
“Oh yeah, that will go over well.”