The Pointless, Worthless List for 05.11.11

Twenty-one Things I Learned Last Weekend

1. A 15-passenger van cannot carry 15 passengers and their luggage.

2. When you’re in a convoy — stay together.

3. I miss Jim Croce.

4. Toll roads are not OK, Oklahoma. It’s especially lousy to charge FIFTY CENTS to get off the main road for a restroom/gas break.

5. KGC stands for Kentucky Grilled Chicken. At least, that’s what I’m guessing the G stands for.

6. Oklahoma City has the most screwed up street system in the United States. You couldn’t go anywhere without having to make 3 U-turns to get back to your original destination. And did I mention we were in a 15-passenger van? They’re not made for U-turns on busy city streets.

7. Free HBO is not a perk if they don’t show anything worth watching.

8. Chris will make a fine minister some day. But he needs to stop listening to so much alt-rock.

9. Always go to the wedding that has enough food. And shaved ice.

10. The wedding planner should plan on cleaning up after the reception. That shouldn’t be on the brides’ family. Haven’t they done enough?

11. Watch out for furniture on the interstate.

12. No matter how long or exhausting the day has been, the 9:50 showing of “Thor” makes it all better.

13. Twenty minutes of movie trailers is too much.

14. Movie trailers are too long. Do I need to see “Green Lantern?” I’m pretty sure they showed the entire plot in the trailer.

15. Aren’t they adorable?

16. The Roy children are very good travelers.

17. Armadillos have replaced turtles as the No. 1 source of roadkill on Missouri highways.

18. I still don’t get the appeal of the photo booth.

19. Always order an extra hashbrown at breakfast because your son will eat his and yours.

20. Some things are worth missing Free Comic Book Day for. Especially if someone gives you a Thor Lighting Strike Hammer to make up for it.

21. The Beatles can always be counted on for a good recessional.

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