The Pointless, Worthless List for 08.04.2011

TOP 10 REASONS FOR THE RETURN OF SUPER PIG*

Note: This is NOT a picture of the real Super Pig as his true identity cannot be revealed in this Report.

1. A pig in tights! Finally a superhero for fat people.

2. Super power? A pig’s squeal can range from 110-115 decibels. Compare that to a jet engine at 112 decibels.

3. Hollywood has yet to capitalize on such a superhero. Ronnie could make millions. (Ronnie, don’t forget your friends.)

4. Super Little Piggy went to the market. Super Little Piggy got discovered. Super Little Piggy made a movie. Super Little Piggy made cash. Super Little Piggy went “wee wee wee” all the way to the bank.

5. Super Pig would instantly have an international fan base. The ancient Chinese were so reluctant to be separated from fresh pork that the departed were often buried with their entire herd of hogs.

6. Does Super Pig have a Purple Heart? Soldier pigs are war heroes. On battlefields, they have used their sensitive snouts as mine sniffers.

7. Criminals beware. A pig can run a seven minute mile.

8. Pigs are brave. One pig named Priscilla saved a boy from drowning. She is in the Pet Hall of Fame.

9. Pigs already save the world in a number of ways. Insulin and about 40 other medicines are made from pigs. Pig heart valves have been used to replace damaged human heart valves.

10. What do you call a pig with three eyes?  A piiig.

* He’ll only come back by popular demand. Make your voice heard in the comment section.

From 2011 RROY REPORT Idol Winner … Aaron Defenbaugh

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One response to “The Pointless, Worthless List for 08.04.2011

  1. While I am confident the general public wants Ronnie to return from LawyerCon, kudos to Aaron for being a great Guest Reporter this week. Who knew there was more than one Ronnie Roy in the world … as well as all those amazing stats and facts on pigs!

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