Before Ronnie Was Famous


From 2011 RROY REPORT Idol Winner … Aaron Defenbaugh

An in-depth interview with Brad Pitt and Sheryl Crow





Sitting on a bench in Courtesy Diner, chili and spuds on a plate before me, I look up to see them walk in. Crow, an athletic jump in her step. Pitt and the kids. The two stars just flew in to have a sit-down chat about work, women and web superstar Ronnie Roy.  

Q: How did you and Ronnie first meet?

Pitt: We all attended MU (University of Missouri-Columbia) in the 80’s. Roy showed up at the Freshman Luau frat party. He got wasted on wine coolers and stripped down to a coconut jock strap. I thought, “This is a guy I gotta know.”

Crow: Funny. He struck me more as the coconut bra type.

Q: So were you instant friends?

Pitt: You know how every good looking guy has a not so good looking friend? I got stuck playing Roy’s wingman. That’s why I had to head west. I was like, “Screw this. I’m livin in a shadow.” I can say this now that I’ve been firmly established as the Sexiest Man Alive.

Crow: We weren’t really friends at all until he invited Cashmere to come play at one of his parties.

Pitt: Yeah, I remember that party. It was for the, uh….such and such reunion.

Crow: Yeah, it’s hard to keep track. There were so many parties for so many people. He was always forming these cliques and giving them stupid names.

Pitt: He called me up all the time talking about reunions for groups I didn’t even know I was in. But I did love me some ladies back then.

Q: So Ronnie was a ladies man?

Crow: Every time I saw him there were women around. But he only had eyes for the lovely Laura.

Pitt: Ah, yes. Laura. The one that got away.

Crow: Still pining?

Pitt: Of course not. Well, I mean, you think she knows I’m the Sexist Man Alive, right?

Q: Tell me, how has Ronnie influenced your careers?

Crow: Ronnie first approached me about collaborating while we shared a few drinks at Joelfest ’84. He kept sending me lyrics, but I just couldn’t fit The Incredible Hulk into my songs.

Q: Surely he had some sort of impact. 

Crow: Actually, funny story. Ronnie was pretty experimental with his style back then. He went through this sequined glove phase.

Q: Sequined glove? Really?

Crow: Yeah, it was the 80’s.

Pitt: It was a momentary lapse of judgement. Kind of like when I dated Juliette Lewis.

Crow: So anyway, when I was singing backup for Michael Jackson, he happened to see a picture on my fridge of Ronnie and his twinkle fingers. Next thing you know it’s the King of Pop’s trademark.

Q: Don’t tell me Ronnie came up with the moonwalk too!

Crow: Have you seen Ronnie dance?

Q: So has success changed Ronnie?

Crow: Ronnie never could wait for success, so he went ahead without it. I’m glad it caught up with him.

Pitt: Yeah, Roy has always been a regular guy, just like me. But the American people just won’t let us live our lives. Especially now that he’s won a Readers’ Choice award for best blog. You know, the autographs. The paparazzi. The stalkers. We can’t leave the house. Being the Sexiest Man Alive is really hard.


One response to “Before Ronnie Was Famous

  1. Crow: “Ronnie never could wait for success, so he went ahead without it.” I knew there was a reason I liked her … she’s a pretty smart lady! Pitt – on the other hand – is kind of a dufus. (I think we would all agree that Laura is a pretty smart lady, too, for dodging that bullet.)

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