Before Ronnie Was Famous

 

From 2011 RROY REPORT Idol Winner … Aaron Defenbaugh

An in-depth interview with Brad Pitt and Sheryl Crow

 

 

 

 

Sitting on a bench in Courtesy Diner, chili and spuds on a plate before me, I look up to see them walk in. Crow, an athletic jump in her step. Pitt and the kids. The two stars just flew in to have a sit-down chat about work, women and web superstar Ronnie Roy.  

Q: How did you and Ronnie first meet?

Pitt: We all attended MU (University of Missouri-Columbia) in the 80’s. Roy showed up at the Freshman Luau frat party. He got wasted on wine coolers and stripped down to a coconut jock strap. I thought, “This is a guy I gotta know.”

Crow: Funny. He struck me more as the coconut bra type.

Q: So were you instant friends?

Pitt: You know how every good looking guy has a not so good looking friend? I got stuck playing Roy’s wingman. That’s why I had to head west. I was like, “Screw this. I’m livin in a shadow.” I can say this now that I’ve been firmly established as the Sexiest Man Alive.

Crow: We weren’t really friends at all until he invited Cashmere to come play at one of his parties.

Pitt: Yeah, I remember that party. It was for the, uh….such and such reunion.

Crow: Yeah, it’s hard to keep track. There were so many parties for so many people. He was always forming these cliques and giving them stupid names.

Pitt: He called me up all the time talking about reunions for groups I didn’t even know I was in. But I did love me some ladies back then.

Q: So Ronnie was a ladies man?

Crow: Every time I saw him there were women around. But he only had eyes for the lovely Laura.

Pitt: Ah, yes. Laura. The one that got away.

Crow: Still pining?

Pitt: Of course not. Well, I mean, you think she knows I’m the Sexist Man Alive, right?

Q: Tell me, how has Ronnie influenced your careers?

Crow: Ronnie first approached me about collaborating while we shared a few drinks at Joelfest ’84. He kept sending me lyrics, but I just couldn’t fit The Incredible Hulk into my songs.

Q: Surely he had some sort of impact. 

Crow: Actually, funny story. Ronnie was pretty experimental with his style back then. He went through this sequined glove phase.

Q: Sequined glove? Really?

Crow: Yeah, it was the 80’s.

Pitt: It was a momentary lapse of judgement. Kind of like when I dated Juliette Lewis.

Crow: So anyway, when I was singing backup for Michael Jackson, he happened to see a picture on my fridge of Ronnie and his twinkle fingers. Next thing you know it’s the King of Pop’s trademark.

Q: Don’t tell me Ronnie came up with the moonwalk too!

Crow: Have you seen Ronnie dance?

Q: So has success changed Ronnie?

Crow: Ronnie never could wait for success, so he went ahead without it. I’m glad it caught up with him.

Pitt: Yeah, Roy has always been a regular guy, just like me. But the American people just won’t let us live our lives. Especially now that he’s won a Readers’ Choice award for best blog. You know, the autographs. The paparazzi. The stalkers. We can’t leave the house. Being the Sexiest Man Alive is really hard.

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One response to “Before Ronnie Was Famous

  1. Crow: “Ronnie never could wait for success, so he went ahead without it.” I knew there was a reason I liked her … she’s a pretty smart lady! Pitt – on the other hand – is kind of a dufus. (I think we would all agree that Laura is a pretty smart lady, too, for dodging that bullet.)

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