From 2011 RROY REPORT Idol Winner … Aaron Defenbaugh
An in-depth interview with Brad Pitt and Sheryl Crow
Sitting on a bench in Courtesy Diner, chili and spuds on a plate before me, I look up to see them walk in. Crow, an athletic jump in her step. Pitt and the kids. The two stars just flew in to have a sit-down chat about work, women and web superstar Ronnie Roy.
Q: How did you and Ronnie first meet?
Pitt: We all attended MU (University of Missouri-Columbia) in the 80’s. Roy showed up at the Freshman Luau frat party. He got wasted on wine coolers and stripped down to a coconut jock strap. I thought, “This is a guy I gotta know.”
Crow: Funny. He struck me more as the coconut bra type.
Q: So were you instant friends?
Pitt: You know how every good looking guy has a not so good looking friend? I got stuck playing Roy’s wingman. That’s why I had to head west. I was like, “Screw this. I’m livin in a shadow.” I can say this now that I’ve been firmly established as the Sexiest Man Alive.
Crow: We weren’t really friends at all until he invited Cashmere to come play at one of his parties.
Pitt: Yeah, I remember that party. It was for the, uh….such and such reunion.
Crow: Yeah, it’s hard to keep track. There were so many parties for so many people. He was always forming these cliques and giving them stupid names.
Pitt: He called me up all the time talking about reunions for groups I didn’t even know I was in. But I did love me some ladies back then.
Q: So Ronnie was a ladies man?
Crow: Every time I saw him there were women around. But he only had eyes for the lovely Laura.
Pitt: Ah, yes. Laura. The one that got away.
Crow: Still pining?
Pitt: Of course not. Well, I mean, you think she knows I’m the Sexist Man Alive, right?
Q: Tell me, how has Ronnie influenced your careers?
Crow: Ronnie first approached me about collaborating while we shared a few drinks at Joelfest ’84. He kept sending me lyrics, but I just couldn’t fit The Incredible Hulk into my songs.
Q: Surely he had some sort of impact.
Crow: Actually, funny story. Ronnie was pretty experimental with his style back then. He went through this sequined glove phase.
Q: Sequined glove? Really?
Crow: Yeah, it was the 80’s.
Pitt: It was a momentary lapse of judgement. Kind of like when I dated Juliette Lewis.
Crow: So anyway, when I was singing backup for Michael Jackson, he happened to see a picture on my fridge of Ronnie and his twinkle fingers. Next thing you know it’s the King of Pop’s trademark.
Q: Don’t tell me Ronnie came up with the moonwalk too!
Crow: Have you seen Ronnie dance?
Q: So has success changed Ronnie?
Crow: Ronnie never could wait for success, so he went ahead without it. I’m glad it caught up with him.
Pitt: Yeah, Roy has always been a regular guy, just like me. But the American people just won’t let us live our lives. Especially now that he’s won a Readers’ Choice award for best blog. You know, the autographs. The paparazzi. The stalkers. We can’t leave the house. Being the Sexiest Man Alive is really hard.