LawyerCon 2011: The Agony and No Ecstasy V

A RROY REPORT Special Report

Part the Fifth: The Painful Conclusion

WEDNESDAY morning, 1 a.m.: Man, my back hurts. Why is this bed so uncomfortable? It wasn’t so bad last night. Boy, my back hurts. I need to pee. stumble, stumble, stumble. Why am I not peeing? Boy, my back hurts…Oh, Hell.

If you’ve ever had kidney stones, you know the telltale signs of a kidney stone: back pain, need to pee, inability to pee. Great. I haven’t suffered this particular ailment in five years, but I haven’t forgotten the feeling. I lie back down, toss and turn, and hope I can ride it out — knowing full well that I won’t.

At 5 a.m. I wake the family, we get dressed, go to the lobby, contact a cab and ride to the nearest hospital. I go to the front desk, tell them my story, wait. They eventually take a cat-scan, give me some drugs to relieve the pain, put me in a room, wait. Eventually the doctor comes in to tell me I have not one, but two kidney stones — one on each side. This could pose a problem if they should get lodged in both sides and block all kidney function. He calls in a urologist.

We wait. And Wait. And WAIT (The Wife and Son are saints. I told them to go back to the hotel many times but they wouldn’t.). Around 2 p.m. (remember, we arrived at 5:30 a.m.) the uro comes in and decides to put stents in to keep the stones from causing any blockage, even though they were convinced they weren’t large enough to do any damage. A little more waiting and then they wheel me away.

I was put out for the surgery which was the best part of the day. When I awoke the Wife and Son were there and another attorney and his wife showed up to take us back to the hotel. They also gave me a card signed by many of the conventioneers. Appellate court clerks are the nicest lawyers on earth.

THURSDAY: The original plan was for The Wife to attend class in the morning and then she had the afternoon free so we were going to go back to the Naval Academy and check it out in more detail. The new plan was for me to lie in bed all day while Wife and Son did the touristy stuff. I did not complain.

Did I mention the heatwave broke while I was incapacitated? The weather was quite pleasant for walking about from then on. Not that I got to enjoy it.

That night The Wife had the closing night dinner. After she left I decided to see if I could make the walk to Capital Comics. I barely did. It was a nice shop, a little small. Had a large collection of graphic novels. I walked out with a copy of “Spider-Man/Fantastic Four” that I bought mainly for the art.

As we hiked back to the hotel, I examined all the nice restaurants along the way and knew I’d never be able to eat in any of them. We wound up back at the hotel bar where The Son devoured a plate of fish and chips and I ate a few bites of crab dip.  You take what you can get.

FRIDAY: We packed up, shared a town car with another lawyer, and headed for the airport. We wound up on the crying baby flight. The guy in front of me leaned his seat back (as usual), the woman behind me had a child sitting on her lap and the child used the back of my seat to practice her tap-dance routine. Other than that, it wasn’t a bad flight.

And so ended LawyerCon 2011. I could regale you with more stories of how I got home and my doc sent me to a urologist who took the stents out (most painful thing ever) and then that night the stones blocked both sides and I wound up in the hospital for another surgery and more stents and after, what — 3 or 4 weeks — I am just now getting back to normal.

But that’s another story. And I don’t want to relive it here.

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One response to “LawyerCon 2011: The Agony and No Ecstasy V

  1. A lesser man would have skipped the Capital Comics shop.

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