The Wedding of the Century, 2011 Edition, Part 3

“Caroline’s getting married!”


“Is that all you can think about? Not on Free Comic Book Day, if that’s what’s got you worried.”

“Caroline is my new favorite person. So, what’s the date?”

“Last Saturday in September. Say, isn’t that the Walnut Festival weekend?”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

There are 52 weekends in a year. Fifty-two potential weekends to get married. I am busy on only two of them: the first weekend in May, aka Derby Day — I’m sorry, I meant Free Comic Book Day; and the last weekend in September, aka Black Walnut Festival weekend, formerly the Black Walnut and Cheese Festival.

The other 50 Saturdays I am free as a bird. Most of them I’m bored out of my mind.

Still, missing a Walnut Festival for a family wedding was not a big deal. We’ve been to several Nutfests in recent years and I’m a firm believer that if you’re an out-of-towner you need to miss a Walnut Festival every once in a while. Otherwise you look kinda sad and pathetic — like you don’t really have a life and you really need to cut those apron strings.

Plus, as the festival has gotten more and more crowded it’s gotten more and more difficult to run into your old friends there, and that’s the only reason people go to the Walnut Festival anyway — that and to have a pork burger at the FFA Stand.

And finally, it is becoming increasingly clear to me that no one is every going to build for me that RROY REPORT Float. I’ve been going to that damn parade for years now and it always ends in disappointment. Disappointment and the horses. They say your old friends are the best friends. But not the most reliable.

So I had no problem skipping Nutfest 2011 for a niece-in-law’s wedding. The main event took place Saturday night at the Saint Francis Xavier College Church. The college in question is Saint Louis University in downtown St. Louis. This meant The Wife would be driving because I don’t drive in downtown St. Louis because if I did I’d make a wrong turn somewhere and end up in the part of St. Louis where everyone dies.

There was a lot going on in St. Louis on Saturday, including Homecoming at SLU. We managed to find the only parking spot in the SLU parking garage and made our way past the homecoming parade to the church. Very nice church — very old, very large, very ornate. The wedding went off without a hitch, which was good, and there wasn’t a lot of picture-taking after the service, which was also good.

The reception was at the Four Season Hotel, even further downtown. Did I mention there was a lot of stuff going on downtown? Several roads were closed, so thank heavens I wasn’t driving. I would have been freaking out and screaming obscenities, which is inadvisable when the Mother-in-Law is in the back seat.

We eventually made it to the hotel, which is pretty swank, and we stood around for a bit while the appetizer squad walked in and out, never in my general area so The Son and I would just hunt them down. My feelings on this mode of serving appetizers is already on the record. They were really good appetizers, too. They even had little glass cups of French fries! How classy is that?

Eventually we were whisked into the ballroom for dinner. Everything was in various food stations and you filled your own plate(s). Very nice selection of eats. The Son ate his weight in garlic bread and egg rolls. One of the better wedding feasts I’ve indulged in. The wedding cake was also delicious, and they even served little cartons of frozen custard (Ted Drewes, of course).

We didn’t get a decent shot of the happy couple but I’m running this one anyway to point out the hanging chandelier lights overhead. After dinner when the dancing started, the lights would change colors. I want them so bad for my basement.

The DJ played mostly decent music. At least there was no Duck Dance before we left around midnight. All in all a very nice night and we made it home without dying.

“Did you hear the news? Jeff is getting married next year!”




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