The Latest Wedding Of The Century

Note: It’s catch-up time at the Report. I’ll be tackling subjects I should’ve written about weeks ago but didn’t get around to for one reason or another (actually, only one reason: laziness).

So I’m sitting on the couch playing “Angry Birds: Space” and The Wife comes to me and she says,

“Guess where we’re going today.”

“Wait. Let me think. I’m pretty sure opera season is over and I’m very sure Shakespeare season is over, so…I’m stumped. Where are we going?”

“To my nephew Jeff’s wedding!”

“That can’t be right. It’s not New Comic Book Day.”

“Not everyone gets married on New Comic Book Day. None of my nieces or nephews have gotten married on New Comic Book Day.”

“Say, that’s right. Your siblings did a fine job raising their children. Still, I guess now I’ve got to get in a car and drive for four hours, then pile in a van with your family, then drive another four or five hours to the church.”

“Nope. We’re going to Montgomery City, one hour away. And we’re driving by ourselves in our car.”

“You know, I may have to rethink my position that my family is better than your family. But don’t tell my family that.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not some moron who posts his every dumb thought on the Internet.”

“Thank God for that.”

And so it was that The Wife, The Son and I put on our finest attire and hopped into the car that hot summer day to attend Jeff and Julie’s wedding. We were told that Montgomery City was an hour’s drive from St. Charles, but whoever told us that drives faster than the posted speed limit, and I guess to be honest we did leave a little late.

Whatever the cause we arrived just in time to grab a seat in the last pew. I haven’t seen that many people in a church since my mother’s funeral. It’s like everybody in Montgomery City was there. And for all I know, they were. It was a good Catholic ceremony, which means it lasted 2-to-3 times longer than a good Protestant ceremony. So it’s a good thing we arrived when we did, as I don’t know how much longer I could’ve sat there. I mean, my son.

Once the happy couple were wed, there was the usual picture taking and then off we went to find the reception hall. The Sister-in-Law’s family had wisely thought to bring a cooler along (did I mention it was a hot summer day?) and so we bummed a few drinks from them and made our way through the winding roads of Montgomery County to the hall, where the organizers had wisely set out bowls of popcorn and nuts to munch on while sipping drinks from the bar or grabbing a beer out of the tub nearby. There were also large sugar cookies at the table and suckers. This was a class operation.

The rest of the evening was typical wedding stuff: the food was decent, the DJ played the usual tunes (although I’m not sure “Suspicious Minds” is appropriate for the occasion. But he didn’t play that damn duck dance song while we were there, so kudos for that), everyone had a good time.

I got no clever ending for this, so let’s just wrap it up with a photo collage.


One response to “The Latest Wedding Of The Century

  1. “You know, I may have to rethink my position that my family is better than your family. But don’t tell my family that.” Hey! I’d be offended if I didn’t know Laura’s family to be as agreeable, charming, funny, likeable, outstanding, interesting, not-to-mention good looking, and witty as the Roy family.

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