Why Are There Zombies At The School Fundraiser?

So I’m sitting on the couch watching “The Mindy Project” and The Wife comes to me and she says,

“There’s a new fundraiser for Andrew’s school coming up.”

“Andrew doesn’t go to school anymore. We’re done with that. Aren’t we?”

“He’s attending the adult day program that’s run by the same people who run the school, so no, we’re not done with that.”

“Fine. What is it this time? Trivia night? Golf tournament? Are they selling candy bars or cookies?”

“No, it’s a 1-mile run/walk.”

Another one? These are going on all the time. When did fundraising turn into exercise? Janea’s daughter is selling pizza for her school. Now that’s a fundraiser.”

“It’s just a mile. I think you’ll survive.”

“I’m not running.”

“You don’t have to run, although you’ll be making it easier for the zombies.”

“Wait. What? Zombies?”

“Yes, you go through the course being chased by zombies.”

“Wait. What? Are you out of your mind? Do you know what zombies are? They’re undead monsters that eat your brains! You’d know all this if you’d watch ‘The Walking Dead’ with me.”

“I know what zombies are. I don’t think they’re real zombies.”

“Oh sure. That’s what they want you to think. And then you’re running along and it’s ‘Ahh! A zombie bit me!’ then ‘Ahh! It’s eating my brains!’ then ‘Ahh! I’m dying!’ then ‘Errr, Arrgh.'”

“I don’t think you have to worry.”

“Easy for you to say. You and Andrew are fast walkers. I’m a slow walker. I’m the first one they’ll grab. I’m fond of the Center, but I’m not willing to die for it.”

“Whatever. It’s Saturday, Oct. 20, in Cottleville. There are two runs, one at 5 p.m. and one for adults only at 7 p.m.”

“If I must go, I’m going to the 5 p.m. one, while it’s still daylight. How much does it cost?”

“$20 in advance, $25 day of race. You get a free t-shirt.”

“Oh sure, like a free t-shirt’s going to do me any good when I’m dead. I guess you can bury me in it. And I suppose you have to pay before the race?”

“Of course you pay in advance.”

“Don’t you see? Don’t you see what’s going on? You can’t pay after the race ’cause you’ll be dead!”

*sigh* “Look, we’re going. Maybe you should start training now so you can outrun the zombies. You should also mention this on your blog — get more people to show up and support the school.”

“Now why would I want to tell my dear readers to come out and be eaten by zombies?”

“Think about it. The more people who show up, the more money for the school. And there’s less chance the zombies will get you if there’s a big crowd.”

“Ohhh. Good point.”

The Cottleville Zombie Walk to benefit the Center for Autism Education will take place at 5 and 7 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 2o, on the Dardenne Greenway Trail. 

For all the gory details visit http://cottlevillezombiewalk.com/index.html

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One response to “Why Are There Zombies At The School Fundraiser?

  1. Laura Leigh Rampey

    Go & walk, Ronnie, and no whining. Notice the way your knees bend and unbend with each step. Even the damn zombies knees have knees that bend and unbend – well, sometimes. Walk and raise that $ and no whining.

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