Why I Won’t Be Reviewing ‘Beautiful Creatures’

A few weeks back I was at a movie and they were showing a trailer and as it was going on and on (the way trailers do these days) I starting thinking, “this looks really crap. Are they remaking ‘Twilight’ already? I’m getting a definite ‘Twilight’ vibe from this.”

MV5BMTQyMjYwODMwMl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODUwNzY5OA@@._V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_The trailer finally ended and as it did it informed me the movie it was promoting was called “Beautiful Creatures.” Never heard of it. All I got out of the trailer is there’s a young girl who’s a witch and she may be a good witch or a bad witch. Destiny and all that.

I conferred with Sister1, who reads a lot, and she confirmed what I feared. “Beautiful Creatures” is the first in a Young Adult series of four books about a teen boy who falls in love with a teen witch. My vibe sense was working.

Oh, no. I’m not getting sucked into this. If it was just one movie, I’d consider it — but I’m not starting another series of movies that I’m confident I will not want to sit through. I’m 50 years old. I don’t have time for this. Four books is at least four movies. That’s at least 8 hours of my life. I don’t have time for that. That’s 8 hours I could spend with my family. Or playing ‘Angry Birds.’ I’m already angry that I lost 2 hours last week on “Identity Thief.”

So you’ll have to search elsewhere on the internet for a write-up on the supernatural love of Ethan and Lena. But I’ll make you a deal: If the reviews are good and the buzz is positive and it shows up on HBO during free HBO week on U-Verse, I’ll check it out and get back to you.




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