Facebook Doesn’t Have To Suck

“Get on Facebook,” my friends said to me. “It’s great! We can chat and keep in touch and it will be ever so much fun.”

So I got on. And yes, it is nice to be able to keep in touch with friends. And Facebook does make it easy to plan get-togethers and hold mini-discussions.

But the crap. All the crap, crap, crap, crap. God Almighty, no one warned me about all the crap. When I think of all the time wasted scrolling up and scrolling up and scrolling up in a desperate search for real, human interaction — well, I just despair.

Say, it’s Kim’s birthday. Happy BDay.

No, I won’t support Carly Fiorina, no matter how many articles you post that says she’s great

I don’t care what the Top 10 Most Amazing Things in St. Louis Are (Number 7 is The Best!)

Why did you just post 12 music video links in a row? This isn’t VH-1

Oh, look. Junior did something amazing! Just like he did 5 minutes ago!

If you really, really, really love your job— keep it to yourself.

… and on it goes. And you have to scroll past the crap because you never know when that one nugget of joy is going to show up.

But every once in a while somebody does something unexpected. Somebody lets their guard down and posts something human. Or something funny. Or something from the heart.

And that’s why we’re here tonight. There have been a few people who have gone above-and-beyond lately in the realm of Facebook and I want to take this moment to honor them. Because they deserve it. And because Facebook Doesn’t Have To Suck.

Best Parents Award

There are two types of parents in the world: Those who expose their child’s every move on social media. And good parents.

022I understand that your child is adorable. But your adorable child doesn’t need to show up in my newsfeed more than once every six months (and I’m being generous at that). And I’m not just talking to the parents of newborns and toddlers. I can only imagine how traumatic it is sending your child off to college (and I really wish I didn’t have to imagine it) but you don’t need to post more than once on the topic (I’m not looking to you, Janaye).

Now  I’m not going to name any names in this category because for some reason people get offended when you question their parenting strategies and I’d probably leave somebody out who deserved the honor. Let’s just say that you probably know who you are, and Thank You.

Note: This also applies to people who think their pets are their children.

Best Argument

Boy, do people love to argue on the Internet. Race, politics, sports, religion, it’s all there and it usually gets pretty tiresome pretty quick. But there’s one fight that will always catch my attention for a day or two before I get bored and move on:

Is there a cave beneath the Stockton square?

Every couple of months, like clockwork, Philip Barber will post an article or quote some old-timer about how there is a cave (or series of caves) beneath the old town square and how the businesses used the subterranean air to cool their shops in summer. And then he pokes at Clark Montgomery to disagree with him and Clark always takes the bait and then we’re off to the races. It always goes on too long and often ends with people calling people liars and such.

I personally don’t know if there is a cave beneath Stockton and I don’t really care.

Best Posts by a Human Pretending to be an Animal

Ann Hein — Nina’s Cat-a-Blog.

There are way too many cute animal postings on the Internet, but I make exception for Ann’s entertaining look at life through the eyes of a cat she has to occasionally cat-sit.

11136702_10206111296315328_7449624618015648760_nThe imposter is a simple creature. She appears here at roughly the same time every day, and from this I infer that she needs routine. Accordingly, I have matched my behavior to accommodate her. I begin with hiding. Then I announce myself and make my entrance. After a thorough inspection of my food and water bowls, I allow a brief interaction consisting of ear rubs, chin skritches and the occasional snuggle. Enjoy it, imposter. I may not feel so generous tomorrow.

Best Travelogue (tie)

Josh Goes To Walt Disney World

Joshua Roy took his three daughters, wife, and parents (I believe my sister went along too) to Disney World and the result was a week of hilarious posts. He suffered so we wouldn’t have to.

12002309_1142974222382658_6663168107709582588_nToday I was around a lot of people. And I’m a people watcher. Lots of different kinds of people from lots of different places. I used to not think like I do now. I’m changing, getting older I guess. I am not a female nor will I ever be and I never thought I’d mind, let alone say this: BRA’S, they serve a purpose. My 10 yr olds even wear them without the purpose. If you have a purpose, you should wear one and in some cases maybe even two. This place is supposed to be kid friendly and even I know not to wear white with no bra at a theme park where you might get wet. You can’t tell me you came to Disney looking for a man. There are no Real Men here. Also, isn’t their a Labor Day Law about that anyways? I’ve been here three days now and have seen enough wedgies, buttcracks and other things I can’t mention here to last a lifetime. Guys, pull your pants up, girls pull your shorts down.

The Motorcycle Diaries

John Alan West and his father decide to take nine days and travel the side roads, back roads and dirt roads of the southwest United States. They road some 500 miles through six states. On motorcycles. It was an odyssey John’s Facebook friends got to share through photographs and John’s witty storytelling. It was amusing, touching, breathtaking and reaffirmed my faith in humanity. Pretty impressive for Facebook. I still don’t understand his dad’s interest in windmills, though.

12033044_1131399733554846_5209403815592225863_nWe leave the canyon and head towards Spearman, TX to see the windmill collection there. More back roads but no dirt roads. We stop for a leg stretch rest and meet another guy riding from East Texas to Amarillo. We visited for about 30 minutes. Nice guy.

Which brings me to another point. Everyone we have met in this trip has been very nice. Good people. Where you headed, where have you been? I have xyz relative in Missouri, I’ve been to Branson. Lots of questions and Dad loves to visit so it’s been good for him.

All of the other bikers we have met when stopped have been super nice and come over and visit, talk about where we’re going, where they are going, looks and talk about bikes. All very nice, there are still many many good people out there if you just get out and talk to them. I some times get so insular in my “world” I don’t see the beauty of nature and the good in my fellow man. Turn off the news and the Internet for a while and get out there and you will have a new outlook.

There you have it. Facebook. It doesn’t have to be about crap. Now get out there and post something meaningful.

Don’t make me scroll.

One response to “Facebook Doesn’t Have To Suck

  1. John is a better son than me.

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