At The Movies: Minions

When “Despicable Me” came out five years ago it was a pleasant surprise. It was funny, clever, charming, touching and featured decent animation. It was about a villain who learns to change his evil ways after taking in with three adorable girls.

In the background were the villain’s sidekicks — cleverly called “minions” — they were numerous, yellow, pill-shaped and talked gibberish. They were the comic relief in what was already a comedy and they were used effectively.

But alas, they became popular. And with popularity comes more attention and more screen time. When “Despicable Me 2” showed up three years later, the minions had pretty much stolen the spotlight from Gru and the kids — it was not a turn for the better.

So now they’ve simply gotten rid of those pesky humans. “Minions” tells the story of who these little yellow freaks are, how they came to be, and how they hooked up with the despicable one. It’s pretty much what you’d expect of a film starring little, yellow, pill-shaped creatures who speak gibberish. Kids will love it, their parents might find parts of it amusing.

It starts off well. Geoffrey Rush narrates the history of the minions, how they crawled out of the primordial ooze and spent centuries looking for the right master. By the 1960s they’ve pretty much given up and moved into an ice cavern. But one of their number — Kevin — decides not to give up. He’s joined by Bob and Stuart as they forge on to find someone evil enough to call “boss.” (The minions are voiced by Pierre Coffin, who co-directed the film with Kyle Balda.)

They wind up in London, where they get a gig with the current queen of evil, Scarlet Overkill (Sandra Bullock). Scarlet sends the boys to steal the Queen’s crown but things don’t exactly work out.

“Minions” is cute. It’s cute, like the minions. When your lead characters can’t talk you have to rely on slapstick humor more than witty banter or clever plot twists to get your laughs. If that’s your thing, you’ll enjoy it. If you like classic rock, you’ll enjoy the soundtrack. The animation is the same high standard as the rest of the series, but the 3D didn’t really add anything to it.

A Delightful Fourth With Toad

“Ohmigosh, Ohmigosh, Ohmigosh! Toad the Wet Sprocket are going to be at O’Fallon’s Heritage and Freedom Fest,” I says.

“That’s nice,” she says.

“Let’s go!”

“Remember last year when The BoDeans were going to be there and you got all excited and then we didn’t go?”

“That’s because I later learned that one of the two main BoDeans was no longer with the band. I didn’t want to go just for The BoDean.”

“Are you sure you want to go? There will be people there. Lots and lots of people.”

“It’s O’Fallon. How crowded can it be?”

And so it was that Independence Day afternoon we took the back road to the high school parking lot where we would board the shuttle that would take us to the Ozzie Smith Sports Complex, home of O’Fallon’s July 4th extravaganza. I assumed, from looking at the map, that the stage setup was in the outfield and there would be plenty of room for us to sit on the bleachers so we didn’t bother with lawn chairs or coolers. Who wants to drag stuff like that around if you don’t need it?

After waiting for the shuttle and not getting on the first shuttle and getting on the second shuttle and stopping for a drop-off a few feet down the road, we concluded that we’d be better off walking back to our car after the show.

The shuttle let us out at T.R. Hughes Ballpark but no one would let us in. Turns out the festival wasn’t at the ballpark, it was at the sports complex, which were two different things. I did not know that. There were no bleacher seats at the sports complex. Sigh.

Upon entering the fair grounds our first sight was a booth with a giant Confederate flag that had a truck driving through the middle of it. What?

Ah well, America.

The entertainment schedule was Tonic, followed by Toad, followed by Smashmouth, followed by fireworks. We got there in time to hear Tonic sing their one hit and that was all i wanted to hear out of them so that worked out. We walked around the carnival rides and the games and the food booths. It was crowded but not horribly so. We found a nice, fairly secluded spot with bleachers and a picnic table away from the maddening crowd.

Toad took the stage promptly at 6:45 p.m. and we got as close as we could and stood there for their one-hour set. Long enough for them to get in their five hits and several other tunes. Just long enough for me to be able to stand in one spot and not collapse. They didn’t sing “Nanci,” which made me sad, but still a good show and worth the admission price.

Afterwards we noticed it had gotten a lot more crowded. We made our way back to our spot and I went and got two burgers, two Cokes and a hot dog from the AmVets. While Lar went to get her food Andrew ate his hot dog and half of my second hamburger. When Lar got back I got Andrew another hot dog but sadly they were out of hamburgers. All the other lines were way too long to bother with.

By the time we were done eating we could hear Smashmouth had taken the stage. We could hear them fine from where we were so we just stayed put. I wasn’t all that crazy about seeing Smashmouth — I’ve seen the originals sing “I’m a Believer,” after all — but I must admit they put on a very good, high energy show. We finally got up to catch the drum solo and a couple of Kinks covers, then we left to find a spot to watch the fireworks.

Kudos, by the way, to whoever runs the O’Fallon Heritage and Freedom Fest because everything ran right on time. The fireworks went off shortly after “All Star” and it was quite a spectacle.

It was a long walk back to the car, though.

Hercules, Venus And The Polar Bear

“Let’s go to the Art Museum picnic,” she says. “It’ll be fun,” she says. “Free ice cream,” she says.

“It’ll be crowded,” I says.

“Not if we go late in the afternoon,” she says.

Like a fool, I believed her.

I have a dream. A dream that some day I will go to Forest Park and no one will be there. And I will drive around and around for the fun of it, not because I’m forced to by pylons that keep me from going where I want to go. And I will drive at my own chosen speed, not at a crawl. And I won’t cringe every time I meet a car because there isn’t room for two cars on the road because of all the idiots parked on the street. And I will park wherever I want to park, not miles from my destination. And I will wander the zoo and the basin without having to put up with people, people, people.

Yes. I have a dream. I have another dream, that I will win the lottery and become independently wealthy. This dream has a better chance of coming true, even though I don’t play the lottery.

And so it was that last Saturday we drove down to Forest Park for the Saint Louis Art Museum’s annual picnic. We were willing to pay the $5 member fee for parking in the museum lot, but first we had to get to it. The easiest and most direct route had been blocked off. Why? Who knows? Because it would’ve been too convenient, I guess.

We eventually made it to the museum, but I pulled into the free lot across the street just in case. Much to my surprise, there was a young couple leaving who left us with a primo space. Five dollars saved!

We were early for the picnic so we walked down to the zoo. The line to the polar bear enclosure was insane and ran through the penguin house so we walked around it and straight to the back on the polar bear condo. One of the staff was setting out melons and ice and lettuce for him to eat. A few minutes later he came out and we got to watch him eat and wander around for a bit. And we didn’t have to smell any penguins to do so. More success!

The Wife then took the five dollars I’d saved on parking and bought a bag of kettle corn and we checked out the seals and walked through the River’s Edge and it seemed like all the animals were more alive than usual. Nice.

Back at the art museum they were offering tours of the new sculpture garden so we signed up and got our free ice cream while waiting. The serving was like a spoonful of ice cream in the world’s smallest cone. I wondered if this was a promotion for “Ant-Man” but it wasn’t. At least we didn’t wait in line.

The sculpture garden is very nice. Lots of trees and pathways and about a dozen statues. Three decent human-looking ones and several abstract, modern-art things. There was a nice Venus with a water element that I liked and another female nude called “The Mountain” that was neat.

The most impressive piece though was “Hercules and the Hydra.” The Hydra shoulda been bigger and more imposing but it was a cool piece anyway.

After that we went back to the front entrance where the line for a free spoonful of ice cream was now a mile long. I would not have been happy to wait through that line for that small a sample. But free is free.

Went back to the car and got the picnic basket and regretted I didn’t bring the one with wheels. Parked it in the grass and enjoyed a nice picnic dinner. Afterwards The Wife and Son decided to go down and walk around the basin. I decided to stay behind and guard the lawn chairs. After making the big circle, Andrew ran up Art Hill back to our spot. I can barely walk up Art Hill. The main reason I didn’t go with them was because I knew I would have to walk back up that hill.

Laura joined us 10 minutes later.