Fun With The Fireplace

I never had a fireplace growing up. Our home was heated by a gas stove in the living room. Rather I should say our living room was heated by a gas stove. It provided some warmth to the dining area, less to the kitchen and bathroom and nothing to the bedrooms.

Laurie visited me one winter when we were first dating and discovered that her bottle of shampoo that she left in her overnight bag had frozen while sitting in the bedroom. She married me anyway.

Upon leaving home I spent the next several years in dorms or apartments, none of which had fireplaces. Our first home also had no fireplace, just a wood stove in the basement.

When we moved into the Fabulous RRoy Palace some 20+ years ago, it had a lovely marble fireplace. Finally, a place where I could hang one of my beloved framed comic book posters and a mantle to set up my favorite action figures and statues. It would be the decorative centerpiece of our home.

The Traditional
Art: ‘Starry Night,’ Vincent Van Gogh
various knickknacks

Five minutes after we moved in The Wife had placed a Van Gogh painting, two Waterford candle sticks, a Monet water lilies glass plate, a crystal hurricane lamp and various knicknacks over the fireplace. Once again I was forced to lug all my prized possessions to the basement.

A few weeks ago at the local comic convention I picked up a lovely Hawkeye print. The Wife, who has a gift for such things, took it to Michaels to be framed. If you’ve ever been to an art museum you know that the frame is at least half the importance of the painting and Laurie is very good at selecting frames and mattings and whatnot. The finished product was indeed lovely and it seemed a shame to send such a work of art down to the basement. So, while The Wife was at Curves one night I gently took down Vincent, shoved her knicknacks in a cabinet, hung my Hawkeye print and hauled some statues and action figures up to the mantle.

Kick-Ass Hawkeye Shrine
Art: ‘Hawkeye,’
Carlo Pagulayan
various Hawkeye statues and action figures

I knew I wouldn’t be able to get away with this on my own, so I quickly snapped some photos, put them on Facebook, and asked our loyal friends and family to vote for the best fireplace decor. The final vote was 19 for Hawkeye, 12 for Van Gogh and 166 people with the good sense not to get involved. Despite a clear mandate for change, it was equally clear that continued happiness in the house meant a return to the status quo.

As I carried my Hawkeye treasures down the stairs I thought of other combinations of items and decided, hey, since she’s not around, let’s play with this some more. My next design was Avengers-centric, with a set of small Disney figurines bookended by Black Widow and Thor statues. I liked the art but the figures didn’t quite cut it. The Hawkeye art was too small for the space but this piece worked fine.

Fireplace Assemble!
Art: ‘The Avengers,’ Alex Ross
various Avengers figures

My final — and if I do say so myself — masterpiece was the Batman design. I thought about doing an X-Men one but by this time I was really tired of hauling shit up and down the basement stairs.

Longtime readers of The Report know of my long struggle to acquire a copy of Alex Ross’ classic “Knight Over Gotham” so you can imagine how exciting it was to finally see it in a place of honor. I carefully selected the items from my collection that would complement it. The finished product is, as you can see for yourself, glorious. (Although you should really see it in person. Photography is not my skill).

It was so perfect I almost cried. And I may yet cry tonight as I take it down and return things to normal in time for Mother’s Day. It’s the least I can do.

Dark Knight Over Fireplace
‘Knight Over Gotham,’ Alex Ross
various Batman memorabilia

 

 

Happy V-Day

xoxox

rroy

The RROY REPORT Holiday Gift Guide 2013

Wow. There’s a lot of cool stuff out there this year. Makes me want to bring back the RROY REPORT Holiday Gift Drive (wherein I encourage my readers to send me stuff) but then it wasn’t that successful back then so why would that change now?

So much stuff. Let’s get right to it.

Apparel

I’ve previously mentioned http://www.welovefine.com/ and their fine selection of Hawkeye shirts. Here are two new ones that would be welcome under anyone’s Christmas tree.

The Hawkeye polo shirt! Classier than a T-shirt, but not too classy.

The Pizza Dog T-shirt — Clint Barton as seen through the eyes of Lucky, his semi-faithful companion (semi-faithful because he left Clint to have adventures with Kate Bishop on the West Coast). T-shirt is also available in Kate Bishop version.

I came across this cool shirt while looking for something else. It’s Hawkeye’s exes — Natasha (Black Widow), Bobbi (Mockingbird) and Jessica (Spider-Woman). The site has some other nifty T’s, including one made up of quotes from Hawkeye’s comic. They’re available at http://www.redbubble.com/ (search for Hawkeye)

But the highlight in Hawkeye apparel this holiday season is the Hawkeye Hoodie. I came across this while searching for an Avengers baseball cap on the Hot Topic website. It’s totally awesome — and practical. And it doesn’t look nerdishly stupid like the ones for Deadpool or Captain America. The average person wouldn’t even realize it was comic-related. Plus, you can take the sleeves off and wear it year-round!

I went to five different Hot Topics in St. Louis looking for it but never found it. And when I got back online it was sold out on the HT website. Sigh. I feared all was lost but then I googled “Hawkeye Hoodie” and found it at http://www.ebay.com/itm/Hawkeye-Avengers-Costume-Marvel-Comics-Licensed-Zip-Up-Hoodie-S-XXL-/131033891581?pt=US_Mens_Sweats_Hoodies&var=&hash=item1e823a82fd

Books

Those of you who keep up with nerd cinema known that the next Avengers movie will be subtitled “Age of Ultron.” In what surely was coincidence,  Age of Ultron was also the name of one of this year’s big story lines at Marvel. 

It’s all been collected in one large hardcover just in time for the holidays. If you’re hoping the book will give you any insights into “Avengers 2” — it won’t. Comic book Ultron (he’s an evil robot if you didn’t know) was created by Dr. Henry Pym, aka Ant-Man/Giant-Man/Yellowjacket/Goliath/etc.  In this story Ultron takes over the world so Wolverine and the Invisible Woman go back in time to kill Pym to stop him from creating Ultron. Since Pym hasn’t appeared in any Marvel movies yet and Logan and Sue aren’t available to Marvel Studios, pretty good odds it won’t be the same story.

Avengers: Endless Wartime is an original graphic novel (which is comic book speak for a really long comic book story that wasn’t serialized first). Written by Warren Ellis with art by Mike McKone, it’s about the Avengers caught up in a time of war that never ends. I’m guessing. I haven’t read it. Warren Ellis can be pretty hit-or-miss with me but I like McKone’s art and it has Hawkeye and Thor in it so it can’t be all bad.

Of course the big news in literature this year is the long-awaited release of the first year of the critically-acclaimed, award-winning comic “Hawkeye” in an oversized, hardcover format. Hawkeye, by writer Matt Fraction and artists David Aja, Javier Pulido and Francesco Francavilla, features the first 11 issues of the best comic being published today.

It’s all here — the car-chase issue, the Christmas issue, the Valentine’s Day issue, the Hurricane Sandy issue, the Pizza Dog issue — and more. Now, for those of you who took my earlier advice and picked up the paperback version Hawkeye Vol. 1: My Life as a Weapon and don’t want to spring for the hardcover, there is a second volume that continues the story.

Hawkeye: Little Hits, Vol. 2 features issues  6-11 (Life as a Weapon collects issues 1-5). Or you can download all the issues off Comixology or the Marvel app if you prefer to read your comics on a computer screen. Confusing, isn’t it? This is why you should just by the comic when it comes out. But you really need the hardcover to class up your bookcase. It will fit right in next to that copy of “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare.”

Calendars

You can’t play “What’s on Ronnie’s Calendars” without a calendar, although I’m starting to feel that segment is pretty played out. The 2014 Women of Marvel calendar is an improvement over last year’s, so it makes the cut. There’s also an Avengers Assemble calendar based on the new cartoon that’s not bad. Thor: The Dark World has its own calendar but I’m sorry to report to the ladies in the audience that there is no shirtless Chris Hemsworth photo gracing any of the months.  That will cost them at least one sale I can think of.

Movies

Speaking of “Thor: The Dark World,” I’m afraid you won’t be able to put it under your Christmas tree this year. That’s the down side of not opening your movie in the summer. So if you’re looking for movies to give, you’ll have to settle for Iron Man 3, Man of Steel and The Wolverine. If you can only choose one, I’d go with “Iron Man 3.”

There’s also an “ultimate collector’s set” of The Dark Knight Trilogy for those of you with blu-ray players (I am not one of those people. Maybe I should add blu-ray player to the guide). DC also has an animated version of Frank Miller’s classic The Dark Knight Returns available as a single edition (it was originally released in two parts).

Music

I looked through an online list of albums released in 2013 and realized I haven’t listened to any of them. This may be the first year that none of my must-buy artists have put out a record. Of course, my must-buy list of artists keeps getting smaller and smaller as time goes by.

I’ve spent most of the year reconnecting with old musicians that I listened to in my youth — The Association, The Guess Who, Emerson, Lake and Palmer. I just recently started listening to Jethro Tull. If I have to make a call in this section, I’d say pick up a copy of The Association’s Greatest Hits. I listened to this record a lot as a wee lad and never heard it again for probably 30+ years until someone brought in a copy at work. Some of it’s pretty cheesy but for the most part it holds up.

Misc.  

If you’re looking for something to put on the tree, there are a variety of decent comic book-related ornaments available just about everywhere. They range from the high-end Hallmark Keepsake types to cheaper items at Target, Wal-Mart and etc. If you’re really looking for a cheap stocking stuffer, Toys R Us has several options — including an Avengers set with a Hawkeye ornament. Perfect for your HULK tree.

Lest you think I give my approval to anything comic book-related, I was disturbed to discover Hallmark sells an ornament based on the Heath Ledger “Joker” from “The Dark Knight Returns.” Please, I beseech you, do not put a homicidal maniac on your Christmas tree. And it doesn’t make it better, Hallmark, that you included recordings of Joker lines from the movie. That makes it even creepier.

And finally (because I’ve got to wrap this up at some point), in the home decor section of Target and probably other fine retailers, are a selection of awesome Marvel 3D Deco Lights.

They come in HULK fist, Captain America’s shield, Thor’s hammer, Iron Man’s helmet and Spider-Man’s Head. While I fully understand the coolness of having HULK’s fist, Cap’s shield or Mjolnir smashing into your RROY Cave wall, I’m not sure why you’d want Spidey’s head or Iron Man’s head stuck in it.

And there you have it. Happy shopping and Happy Holidays.

Hawkeye Update: Awards Edition, Part 1

Unless you’re living in a nerd-free zone, you’re probably aware that this weekend is Comic-Con International, the God-King of comic book conventions. Although it’s really more of a movie/television convention these days with comics over in the corner.

What you may not be aware of is that one of the many activities that take place during the event are the bestowing of the Will Eisner Comic Industry Awards. I usually don’t pay any attention to the Eisners because I don’t care about entertainment awards in general but this year my beloved Hawkeye was nominated for a whopping 5 awards, including Best Continuing Series, Best New Series and Best Writer.

Sadly it did not win those awards, some piece of crap comic called “Saga” did. Admittedly, I haven’t read “Saga,” but it doesn’t have Clint Barton, Kate Bishop or Pizza Dog in it so how good can it be, really?

The good news is that it did win two awards — Best Artist and Best Cover Artist for David Aja. And hey, that’s two more Eisners than Superman, Batman, Wolverine and Iron Man won this year.

In other awards news, nominees for this year’s Harvey Awards were announced last week and once again “Hawkeye” was at the head of the pack with 7 noms. Of course “Saga” also got 7 nominations so we all know where this is headed.

And if you’re wondering what the difference is between an Eisner Award and a Harvey Award — I have no idea. I still don’t understand why the Emmys have separate awards for Record of the Year and Album of the Year.

An Archer’s Best Friend

I’ve been so caught up lately in opera and musical theater and summer movies that I’ve lost sight of the heart and soul of THE RROY REPORT: Dinosaurs and Hawkeye.

Not much news on the dinosaur front. My sister told me to watch some show on the SciFi Channel called “Primeval” about dinosaurs coming to the modern world via wormholes or something. I half-watched one episode that featured a “giant eel” and after 50 minutes of seeing a vague black thing swimming underwater the thing finally showed it’s face — and it was a snake face. Snakes are not eels! They don’t have the same shape face! And more important — THEY’RE NOT DINOSAURS.

The preview for the following week was about giant bees. What the hell? My sister assures me there were dinosaurs in the pilot, but I don’t have time to wait around the pilot to cycle around in reruns. SciFi channel sucks. No wonder they changed their name. Real SciFi would be offended.

Which brings us to Hawkeye. Since our last Hawkeye update the best comic currently on the stands was nominated for 5 Eisner Awards. The Eisners are the comic book equivalent of the Academy Awards. They give them out at Comic-Con.

That’s more Eisner nominations than Superman, Batman, Wolverine, The Avengers and the X-Men got combined. In fact, none of those books got noms. Like most awards, the Eisners shun the popular and mainstream.

If you’re wondering why hawkeye is getting so much acclaim (and you shouldn’t be if you’ve been a regular reader here) then go to your local comic shop and pick up hawkeye 11, on sale today.  It’s the special Pizza Dog issue.

Pizza Dog, aka Lucky, is the dog that Clint Barton adopted in issue 1. This month’s entire issue is told from Lucky’s point-of-view. Writer Matt Fraction and artist David Aja and colorist Matt Hollingsworth (the issue is colored using the visual spectrum of dogs) have crafted a fantastic example of what comics can do. It’s smart, it’s charming and the ending is surprising and heartrending.

 

Hawkeye Update and Free Comics Update

This week marked a historic moment for the comic book industry, for this week the ninth issue of “Hawkeye” hit the stands.

No comic with Hawkeye in the title has ever survived nine issues. Oh, there have been plenty of one-shots and mini-series, but they usually end at 4 issues. The first Hawkeye ongoing series, in 2003, lasted 8 issues. “Hawkeye and Mockingbird,” launched in 2010 and was canceled after 6 issues (the last two were folded into a separate mini-series, but that’s still only 8 issues).

Clint was the lead feature in “Solo Avengers/Avengers Spotlight” which ran 40 issues, but it doesn’t count. It was a split book and Hawk was only in half of it so it’s not really the same thing as having a comic all to your own.

So, third times a charm at least where Hawkeye is concerned. The current book, by Matt Fraction and David Aja, is doing quite well. In fact, remember a few weeks back when I told you to go by “Hawkeye Vol. 1: My Life as a Weapon,” a collection of the first 5 issues of the title in paperback form? Well, it wound up on top of the New York Times Bestseller List (graphic novel division).  I’d like to take credit for that, but I’m fairly sure none of you bought it.

 The book also was the third highest selling graphic novel for the month of March, with numbers 1 and 2 being Batman books. But hey, nobody beats Batman.

In other news, remember last month when Marvel offered 700 free comics for digital download and I spent a weekend trying to download some and got nowhere because every other nerd with a computer was doing the same thing and we broke the internet? (Or at least the servers at Comixology) Well, it took a while but they made good on their offer.

I got an email yesterday telling me I had 48 hours to download a truckload of comics. You may recall last time I was conservative and only tried to download 63 of their offerings. This time by the time I surfed through the offerings I wound up with 339. Then I went back and downloaded a dozen or more. That’ll teach them to make me wait.

Of course, I have no idea when I’m going to have time to read 300-plus comics, but at any rate — Happy Birthday To Me.

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day

One of the stranger trends in comic book cover art in recent years has been the proliferation of kissing covers — a superhero and superheroine locking lips while in a passionate embrace. It’s not really the kind of image you’d think would sell comics that don’t feature Betty and Veronica, but it happens frequently enough that I assume the publishers know what they’re doing.

I guess nerds are hopeless romantics. Probably emphasis on hopeless.

So, in honor of the holiday of hearts and flowers — and in a RROY REPORT tradition that began last year with the promoting of the Hawkeye valentine — I would like to wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day courtesy of the stars of 2012’s No. 1 film.

What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars 022013

One down, 11 to go.

Fantastic Four/FF

My Marvel freebie calendar has declared February to be Fantastic Four and FF month. The Fantastic Four you should already know. They’re the ones on the left — The Human Torch, Mr. Fantastic, The Invisible Woman and The Thing. Rocket ship into space. Cosmic Rays. Yadda yadda yadda. The biggest change in their story in recent years is they now wear white costumes instead of the traditional blue.

What you’re probably more curious about are the four weirdos to the right. They are the new stars of the Fantastic Four spinoff series “FF” which I believe stands for “Future Foundation,” a kind of school for gifted youngsters that aren’t mutants. No, that can’t be right…Franklin Richards is a mutant…I’ll be honest, I don’t read Fantastic Four or FF.

I do know the characters pictured are Medusa, Ant-Man, She-Hulk and — and I’m not making this up — Ms. Thing. Yes, she looks like The Thing with a woman’s head, but it’s really a woman wearing a Thing suit. Did I mention I don’t read FF?

Hawkeye

This is a first in the three-year history of What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars. I can’t find a decent copy of the image on my Avengers Movie Calendar. This is the only one I could find and yes, it’s too small. It’s strange, because I’ve seen this image many times in the past so I don’t understand why it suddenly can’t be found on the World Wide Web.

This annoys me almost as much as them giving Hawkeye the shortest month of the year. They did the same thing in my freebie Marvel 2011 calendar. What about Hawkeye says “coldest, dreariest month of the year” ?

FUN FACT: Movie Hawkeye is based more on the Ultimate Marvel Universe version of Hawkeye than the original Marvel Universe character. Classic Hawkeye was an orphan who ran away and joined the circus and then became a superhero. Ultimate Hawkeye is a highly trained S.H.I.E.L.D. assassin. Hard to believe they went with the latter version for the movie.

BONUS FUN FACT: Movie Hawkeye’s costume is based on the Ultimate Hawkeye design. Classic Hawkeye has now resorted to wearing a costume that looks much like the movie design, which was based on the Ultimate design.

Have Yourself A Hawkeye Little Christmas

Pretty much everyone in the entertainment business tries to cash in — I mean celebrate — the holiday season. There are Christmas movies, Christmas albums and most TV shows air holiday themed episodes this month. So it will come as no surprise to learn that comic book publishers also engage in the practice.

The first Christmas-related comic I remember was “The Man Who Murdered Santa Claus” (cheery title, right?) from a 1974 issue of Justice League. I don’t remember anything about the story and I no longer have my copy. I’m sure the League brought the murderer to justice (that is their job after all). It probably wasn’t the real Santa anyway. At least I hope it wasn’t.

The oldest Christmas comic in my collection is the Marvel Treasury Edition Giant Superhero Holiday Grab-Bag from 1976. It cost a whopping $1.50 and I can’t believe my parents let me buy it. I suspect my dad had nothing to do with it and mom was always a softie. Besides, it was Christmas.

The book reprinted four comics that had nothing to do with Christmas, but there was a framing sequence tying them together that followed the holiday theme. I think I bought it primarily for the Avengers story.

You wouldn’t think Batman would be the subject of many holiday stories — what with him being all dark knighty — but there have probably been more Christmas Batman stories than any other superhero.

Perhaps the best known of the bunch is “Silent Night of the Batman,” another 70s-era story in which the Caped Crusader spends the night singing carols with the night shift at the Gotham City Police Department (yes, Batman used to be in good with the GCPD. Simpler times.) while waiting for emergency calls to come in. But none do because there’s no crime on Christmas Eve — not even in Gotham City! 

Yes, it’s ridiculously corny, but aren’t all Christmas specials?

This week a new comic was added to my holiday reading list. It’s always a good thing when new things come along that are worthy of being added to one’s Christmas traditions.

I’m referring to the sixth issue of hawkeye, the ridiculously good comic by Matt Fraction and David Aja. As has been the case throughout its short run, the book tells a simple story about Clint Barton’s life outside The Avengers.

This month it looks at six days in a life during mid-December. Over the course of the week Clint beats up some bad guys with Wolverine and Spider-Man; calls on Tony Stark to help set up his DVR; watches Christmas specials with some kids in his apartment building; and faces off against some thugs who threaten his neighborhood. It’s funny and clever and poignant and moving and, yes, corny. And the art is so pretty.

hawkeye 6 is available in any self-respecting comic shop now. It’s the perfect stocking stuffer — although you really shouldn’t bend a comic book to stick in a stocking.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a joyous-ass Kwanzaa, bro.

 

 

Happy Halloween 2012