What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars 122012

Welcome to the twelfth and final installment of What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars for 2012. Let’s see who takes the honors for the last 31 days of the year.

Thor

My freebie Marvel Calendar dedicates the month of peace and joy to the Norse God of Thunder. Makes sense, I guess. Would’ve made more sense to use Thor last month when Sif was the Woman of Marvel poster girl, but it’s clear that there’s no coordination going on between calendar makers.

For the record, it took me a ridiculously long time to find this exact image. I was about ready to give up and just use some other generic Thor picture but I try to maintain a certain level of professionalism here at What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars. I didn’t recognize the artist and I don’t read Thor comics so I had little to go on. Typing “Thor” into Google Images will get you a whole lotta Thor but not this specific art.

Black Widow

The official Women of Marvel 2012 calendar concludes with a nice winter scene featuring Natasha Romanov. You would think she’d zip up out in the snow like that, but hey, comics. Natasha is the one mainstay of the official Women of Marvel calendar that I don’t mind showing up year after year.

The Black Widow had a pretty good 2012. She appeared in the hit “Avengers” movie and was featured in three comics — “Avengers Assemble,” “Secret Avengers” and “Winter Soldier.” She will be having a busy 2013 as well, given that she’s slated to appear in all those comics as well as the rebooted main “Avengers” title.

Valkyrie

I decided to keep the Thor theme going with my final entry in the unofficial RROY REPORT Women of Marvel calendar. Val has a long and twisted comic history which I shall abbreviate as best I can.

Val first appeared as a disguise of The Enchantress in an issue of “The Avengers.” She later showed up in “The Defenders” as the mortal Barbara Norris, who was given the powers of The Valkyrie by The Enchantress. Long story short, that version at some point got punted and Val was rebooted as Brunnhilde of Asgard. Brunnhilde was leader of the Valkyrior (the Choosers of the Slain), a group of warrior goddesses who would take slain vikings to Valhalla — assuming they were worthy. How she went from that gig to being a superhero I don’t know.

Val currently is a member of the Secret Avengers but next year she will be fronting a new all-woman squad in a book called “Fearless Defenders.” I just report ’em, I don’t name ’em.

And so wraps up another edition of “What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars.” See you next year.

The RROY REPORT Holiday Gift Guide 2012

Good News! The Son’s school is apparently not in a financial crisis this year, so we can return our attention to my favorite holiday tradition — pointing out pointless, useless crap that everyone should have under their Christmas tree.

Theater

Here’s a new category for the RRHGG. There’s a lot of really good theater that goes on every year in the area, so why not treat your loved ones with the gift of the stage? The very popular Book of Mormon will make its St. Louis debut in February at the Fox Theatre. Opera Theater of St. Louis will present Pagliacci this season. Les Miserables is coming to The Muny this sumer.

Oh, who are we kidding? There’s only one reason theater has made this year’s Gift Guide: BATMAN LIVE.  This multimedia extravaganza starring Batman, Robin and all the classic rogues (sadly, no Batgirl) runs Dec. 7-9 at the Chaifetz Arena.

Do you really want to spend another holiday season sitting through The Nutcracker or A Christmas Carol? Give Scrooge, and yourself, a break. Tickets on sale now.

Books

For most of the year, Marvel Comics was caught up in a civil war between its two premiere super teams — The Avengers and the X-Men. The entire saga (well, almost entire) is now available in book form. AvsX features the 12-issue AvsX series, the 6-issue Versus series and some stuff that was only available online.

You can get the hardcover pretty cheap at Amazon (definitely cheaper than buying the individual issues when they came out) or wait six months for the paperback. But then it won’t be Christmas, will it?

Over on the DC side, Batman Earth One is yet another retelling of The Dark Knight’s origin story, updated (yet again) to make it more “relevant” for today’s more grim and gritty audience. I think. I haven’t read it so I don’t really know what to expect. It has art by Gary Frank, which is the main draw — besides Batman, of course.

Speaking of buying something for the art, the first story arc of the updated (yet again) Justice League is available in book form. It features sweet Jim Lee art but I haven’t heard a lot of good notices about the writing. And it has Cyborg in it for some reason.

Music

I just finished looking at Wikipedia’s list of albums released in 2012 and, boy, am I out of touch with popular music. Bruce Springsteen’s Wrecking Ball was one of the better albums he’s put out lately. I’ve been listening to the new Ben Folds Five album but I’m not impressed enough to recommend it. The always reliable John Hiatt released, Mystic Pinball a few weeks back — it’s decent but not spectacular (I’m going to get around to reviewing these things eventually).

I usually use this space to hawk a new Norah Jones album, and as luck would have it she did put one out this year. I haven’t heard it and I’ve kinda lost interest in her work. I’d probably like it if I listened to it, but I probably wouldn’t listen to it for very long.

Ohmigod, I just looked at this album cover. What has happened to Norah? Deborah Harry called and wants her image back.

So, in the final analysis — and since Springsteen doesn’t really need the money –my 2012 pick for Holiday Gift Guide CD of 2012 goes to Heart of the Country by bluegrass legend Chris Brashear. It’s mighty fine. And if I keep pushing it maybe Chris will come to St. Louis and do a show. It’s the least he could do since he punted Joelfest.

Movies

Is there really anyone out there who doesn’t already own a copy of Marvel’s The Avengers? If so, shame on you. But on the other hand, you’ll have a joyous Christmas morning if you find it in your stocking. Other movies of 2012 worthy of a spot in your collection include The Amazing Spider-Man (Which I really need to see again. I can’t believe I only saw it once in theaters. Busy summer.) and The Dark Knight Rises (Available Dec. 3, late for Black Friday but still in time for your holiday shopping). There were many fine non-superhero movies out this year but you can always check those out at the library.

Calendars

You can’t play What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars without a calendar or two but I have to say I’ve been searching the web for interesting calendars but am coming up short. Apparently something called Underwater Dogs is popular this year. Why you would want to look at dogs swimming every day for 365 days is beyond me.

Amazon lists no less than 9 different Marvel Comics calendars — 12 if you count Avengers and Spider-Man movie calendars. (Uh, what is the difference between a wall calendar and a grid calendar? I know the difference between a wall and a desk calendar, but grid?) None of them impress me. The Women of Marvel calendar is another collection of the usual suspects along with some oddball choices. I’m not even sure who Miss May is supposed to be. At least they’re not rerunning that Medusa picture again.

Interestingly (at least to me), Amazon only lists 2 DC Comics calendars — 4 if you count Smallville (Which I don’t. Who would be buying a Smallville calendar at this late stage in the game?) and The Dark Knight Rises. There is a Wonder Woman calendar (Why Diana gets her own calendar and not Batman or Superman is yet another mystery of the calendar business that I will never understand.) and an Official DC Comics calendar (which is pretty crappy).

The only other calendar of interest I found in my travels is a Jungle Girl calendar featuring the artwork of the mighty Frank Cho. If you’re a fan of buxom blondes in leopard-skin bikinis in jungle settings as drawn by Frank Cho, then this is the calendar for you. At any rate, it’s something I’d rather look at every day over swimming dogs.

Miscellaneous

You say you’re looking for the right gift but you don’t want to go near a comic book shop and you fear online shopping? No problem, many fine items are available at mainstream retailers.

I recommend you go with something practical over something like toys. Everyone sells superhero T-shirts these days. Many places carry Marvel and DC Christmas ornaments. I’ve noticed some nice glass tumbler sets at Target. Spencer’s Gifts has a selection of shot glasses. A shot glass is a cheap and simple stocking stuffer and who couldn’t use a Batman shot glass?

Many years ago my wife (not then my wife) gave me an aquarium for Christmas. It was an odd gift but I was living alone in Kansas City at the time and she thought the fish could keep me company. She was right. I loved that fish tank and used it for many years until I finally got tired of the hassle of cleaning it and the expense of having to buy new fish all the time. It’s stored in the basement now.

I spend a lot of time at Petsmart these days (despite the fact that I don’t have a pet) and, well, I’m thinking about getting the old fish tank back out because now there are all kinds of Marvel items for the aquarium — mainly backdrops and figurines. Why did this stuff not exist when I was using my aquarium? And why is there no Namor the Sub-Mariner figurine?

UPDATE: PetsMart now has superhero (and Dr. Seuss, if that’s your thing) fish bowls. There was HULK, Spider-Man, Wonder Woman and Superman (I don’t remember seeing a Batman, but surely there is one). I just discovered this on Monday and it’s so new I can’t find a photo of one on the Internet.

Finally — and much to my surprise — there are three new Hawkeye statues on the market. Now I don’t need another Hawkeye statue, but if you do, they are pretty nice ones. One even has him on his sky sled (It’s my least favorite. I don’t like the arrow between his teeth look. It’s also ridiculously expensive). I like the ones I have better. I can’t believe the market can support five different Hawkeye statues. And of course, they’re all out of date since he changed his costume to make it more movie friendly.

 

What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars 102012

It’s October — the month of monsters and witches and goblins and such. Let’s see how that plays out in the calendars.

HULK

My freebie Marvel Comics calendar dedicates this month to its green-skilled Jekyll-and-Hyde. What new can I say about The Incredible One? He had a very good 2012 as the surprise star of “The Avengers” movie. After two moderately successful solo films it turns out the ultimate loner works best in an ensemble. Go figure.

Medusa

OK, now this makes me mad. It’s not that I don’t like Medusa, I like her fine. She’s one of my favorite Inhumans. But they used this exact same image in last year’s Women of Marvel Calendar (September 2011 to be precise).

The Number 1 rule of calendar making should be: Don’t Repeat Yourself. I don’t mind that they’re using Medusa again — even though there are plenty of other women of Marvel that are deserving of a spot — but if you’re going to use her again, at least use a different picture. There are plenty of Medusa images out there.

Scarlet Witch

Oh Wanda, back in the ’70s you were The Woman of Marvel, now they won’t even put you in their calendars. It’s wrong indeed that Marvel has been doing these calendars for three years and never featured the Scarlet Witch once. Yet they found room for the same image of Medusa twice. This is why I started the Unofficial RROY REPORT Women of Marvel Calendar.

Wanda Maximoff is the mutant daughter of Magneto and twin sister of Quicksilver. She first appeared in the pages of “Uncanny X-Men,” where she and her brother were members of Magneto’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (No one knew Wanda and Pietro were Magneto’s children at the time — no one including Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, the characters’ creators).

Wanda and Pietro broke away from the brotherhood and joined The Avengers at the same time as Hawkeye, in the classic 16th issue of the series. Wanda was a longtime mainstay of the group until a few years ago when she went temporarily crazy and killed Hawkeye and a few other, lesser Avengers. She’s been on the outs with the superhero community lately which is probably why she hasn’t appeared in any calendars. But she’s recently resurfaced and is scheduled to be a featured player in the upcoming “Uncanny Avengers” comic so it looks like Wanda will be back in the spotlight soon.

I cannot explain Wanda’s powers to you and neither can anyone else.

What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars 072012

You’d think I’d get a day off after Joelfest but no, the month changes. Should’ve planned better.

Spider-Man

It’s Spider-Month! One doesn’t usually associate arachnids with July, but there’s a Spider-Man movie coming out in a couple of days and I don’t have the strength to do two theme weeks in a row, so it’s just as well that my Marvel freebie calendar has decided to dedicate this month to the amazing one.

I’m not a fan of this picture at all. Of all the cool Spidey images out there, why this one? The cynic in me says they picked it because it was drawn by Joe Quesada, the big man at Marvel these days. I just think it looks odd.

I have nothing new to say about Spidey, as he’s in this segment every year. His new movie comes out on Tuesday so come back then and we’ll talk about it.

Spider-Woman

Now this image I like. It’s odd, but in an intriguing way. This is Jessica Drew’s second go-round in the official Women of Marvel calendar series and I don’t have anything new to say about her. She’s currently dating Hawkeye, which I’ve mentioned in earlier Hawkeye updates. I have a feeling that relationship is not long for this world, though. That’s a shame ’cause I like Clint and Jessica together, but a lot of fans don’t.

The art is by Alex Maleev, who drew the recent short-lived Spider-Woman comic book. Comic companies have a history of creating female versions of popular male superheroes but they never become as successful as their counterparts.

Spider-Woman II

I had a hard time deciding on a character for this month’s unofficial RROY REPORT Women of Marvel calendar. In honor of Independence Day I was going to go for a patriotic heroine, but the only one I could think of was Miss America from Marvel’s golden age, but I couldn’t find a decent picture and I don’t really know much about her.

So I decided to just stick with the theme of the month and dedicate my part in the proceedings to Julia Carpenter, the second Spider-Woman. Julia made her debut in the original Secret Wars mini-series from 1984. She was given spider powers by a secret government organization that was trying to create its own superheroes. This was probably around the time that Jessica had lost her super powers (that can happen if your book gets canceled), leaving a female-Spider-Man void in the Marvel Universe.

Julia never had her own book. She hooked up with the West Coast Avengers (where she was hit on by, you guessed it, Hawkeye) and the short-lived spinoff team Force Works. Jessica eventually got her powers back and reclaimed the Spider-Woman title. Julia is now the second Madame Web, whoever that is.

And since I’m now crediting artists, the above striking image is by the Brothers Hildebrandt.

   

What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars 062012

We’re halfway through the 2012 edition of What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars. Time flies.

Captain America

Normally, Captain America claims the month of July in honor of Independence Day.

But this year the freebie Marvel calendar is giving July over to Spider-Man in honor of web-head’s movie release next month.

So Cap gets moved up 30 days with the hook being — you guessed it — Flag Day. He dresses like the flag so I guess that’s appropriate.

 I don’t have anything new to say about Steve Rogers that we didn’t cover last year when his movie came out, so let’s move on.

Ms. Marvel

Longtime readers of “What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars” know that Ms. Marvel is a mainstay of the official Women of Marvel calendar series. You may not recognize her because she’s normally featured wearing a one-piece blue/black bathing suit with a lightning bolt across it. The costume at right is actually her original costume from when she made her debut in the ’70s.

However, the image at stage right is not Carol Danvers, the original Ms. Marvel. Bear with me.

A few years back Norman Osborn (of Green Goblin fame) took over as Top Cop of these United States. As a result all the real Avengers were forced to go underground, while Norman created his own team of “Dark” Avengers to parade around. Norman took super villains and dressed them up like traditional Avengers just to screw with everybody.

Norman took Karla Sofen, aka Moonstone, and put her in Carol’s old duds for the Dark Avengers version of Ms. Marvel. Norm was eventually beaten and Karla went back to being Moonstone. Carol is currently scheduled to become the new Captain Marvel, but we can discuss that at next year’s calendar update.

Kitty Pryde

I think we’re all pretty Avengered out at this point, so for this month’s Unofficial RROY REPORT Women of Marvel calendar, I’m giving it to the X-Men. Most of the major X-Women are usually well represented by the official Women of Marvel calendars — except one.

Katherine “Kitty” Pryde, aka Shadowcat (although I don’t think anyone calls her that anymore) joined the X-Men in 1980, becoming the first in a line of cute, young girls who join the X-Men and become kind of the team sidekick — but don’t call them sidekicks (see also: Jubilee, Pixie and Armor). Kitty has the ability to control her density, allowing her to walk through walls and other solid objects.

Perched on her shoulder is her frequent companion (but not pet) Lockheed the dragon. Kitty’s frequent boyfriend is Colossus, although they are currently separated. She appeared in the third X-Men film played by Ellen Page and had brief cameos by different actresses in the earlier films.

Kitty currently serves as headmistress at the Jean Gray School for Gifted Youngsters, opened recently by Wolverine. Despite her status as one of the key X-Men over the past 32 years, I’m guessing the reason she’s never appeared in the official Women of Marvel calendars is because, well, she doesn’t dress like a slut and she’s too much the “little sister” type that artists aren’t comfortable drawing her in sexy costumes or inappropriate poses.

What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars 04012012

It’s April Fool’s Day, which we will celebrate as always with the fourth segment in our yearly 12-part series, What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars. As mentioned a few days ago, I now have a copy of the official 2012 Women of Marvel Calendar, which I will now add to the show. I will continue with my unofficial Women of Marvel Calendar because I don’t quit making up fake calendars in mid-stream.

AvX

As mentioned last month, Marvel’s big event for the spring/summer is “Avengers vs. X-Men,” so once again they’re promoting it in my freebie Marvel calendar.

You may be asking, “Why would the Avengers and the X-Men fight? Aren’t they on the same side?” Well, yes, but superheroes fighting each other is a tale as old as time. Especially if there’s money to be made.

Mystique

The official Women of Marvel Calendar brings back Raven Darkhölme, the blue-skinned, shape-shifting evil mutant known as Mystique.

I’m of two minds about Mystique. I hate the comic book version but I rather like the movie version.

Comic book Mystique is pure evil but since she’s somewhat popular Marvel occasionally tries to excuse her past of murder and mayhem and lets her run around with the X-Men (see also: Magneto, Juggernaut, Sabretooth) and I don’t approve. Movie Mystique is more sympathetic, at least the Jennifer Lawrence version.

Songbird

For my personal entry in the unofficial Women of Marvel Calendar I decided to get away from the whole Avengers/X-Men thing for a bit. It’s hard to find women in Marvel who aren’t Avengers/X-Men affiliated so I went with Melissa Gold, founding member and mainstay of the Thunderbolts.

Melissa began her super career as the villainous Screaming Mimi. With help from comic-book-tech, her voice can create solid objects of sound — kind of a mix between Siryn and Green Lantern.

In the ’90s Melissa changed her name and look and accepted Baron Zemo’s invitation to join the Thunderbolts, a team of super villains who were pretending to be super heroes. The scam went south and Hawkeye took over the group and tried to turn them into legitimate heroes. The group has gone through a variety of changes over the years but Songbird has continued to be the heart and conscience of the team.

Songbird appeared as a future Avenger in the “Avengers Forever” mini-series but that future hasn’t come to pass in the regular Marvel Universe and who knows if it ever will.

 

What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars UPDATE

Yes, I know it’s not the first of the month but I have (somewhat) exciting news to share regarding everyone’s favorite long-running segment.

I now possess a copy of the Official 2012 Women of Marvel Calendar. I’m going to keep doing the Unofficial RROY REPORT 2012 Women of Marvel Calendar because, well, I’m enjoying it even if no one else is. Plus I’m confident someone in Marvel’s calendar division is reading this and will see that I put together better calendars than whatever joker they’ve got doing them now.

So, let’s get caught up. January was — alas — Emma Frost month. So glad I missed it. I’m not even going to bother looking up the image and posting it here. February was Black Cat month, and we’ll come back to Felicia later in the year. I’ll explain when the time is right.

Which brings us to March, which has been dedicated to Mary Jane Watson. This is Mary Jane’s first appearance in a Women of Marvel calendar, which is refreshing. It’s also the first time a woman who isn’t a superheroine made the calendar, so kudos to MJ.

As you should know, Mary Jane was Peter Parker’s second true love. After Gwen Stacy got thrown off a bridge by the Green Goblin, Mary Jane moved to the top. Mary Jane and Peter eventually married and were quite happy for several years until the powers-that-be at Marvel decided a married Spider-Man was no fun so a few years back they came up with this ridiculous scenario in which Mephisto (aka The Devil) erases all evidence of their marriage in order to save a dying Aunt May.

You’d think a divorce would have been easier but, hey, comics.

What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars 010112

Happy New Year and welcome to a new season of What’s On Ronnie’s Calendars, the 12-part series in which I go over what I’ll be looking at for the next 28-31 days, depending on the month.

X-Sanction

The Marvel freebie calendar I picked up at the comic book shop on Wednesday (note to DC: if you’d like some attention in this segment, you might consider following Marvel’s lead here) kicks off the  year with the cover from “X-Sanction 2,” a mini-series in which Cable (the cyborg-looking guy on the left) spends 6 months or so beating up on various members of The Avengers (Iron Man in issue 2).

You should know who Iron Man is, but you probably don’t know who Cable is. If you’re not a nerd, you definitely don’t know who Cable is.

Cable is Nathan Summers, the son of Scott Summers (Cyclops of the X-Men) and Madeline Pryor (clone of Jean Grey, who was believed to be dead at the time). If Cable appears to be significantly older than his father, that’s because he’s a time traveler. Comic companies occasionally go through a phase where they think it would be neat for their characters to have babies. But then they quickly realize they don’t know what to do with them, so they have to get rid of them.

In Cable’s case, baby Nathan was taken into the future where he was raised as a cyborg/warrior/soldier. Occasionally he comes to the present to fix something or fight someone. The plot of “X-Sanction” is Cable comes to the present to beat up The Avengers because they threaten his adopted daughter Hope (more on her next month) and the future. At least I think that’s the plot, I’m not actually reading it.

Women of Marvel: A Digression

This may take a while, so have a seat and a cup of coffee. I did not get this year’s Women of Marvel calendar because the person who sends it to me took me seriously when I asked everyone to send money to my son’s school instead of sending me presents. God bless her but curse my altruism (By the way, it’s never too late to make a donation and thank you to everyone who did. http://www.teachautism.org/).

So I was going to go out after Christmas and pick up a calendar at 50 percent off, but none of the calendar stores or kiosks at any of the many malls I visited this week were carrying it.

I know one is out there because I’ve seen it online. Anyway, the 2012 Marvel Calendar girl for January is slutty X-Woman Emma Frost. Sigh. I feel dirty just posting that image, but my hit count does go up when I mention Emma so clearly Marvel knows what it’s doing. But why is she setting fire to a valentine in January? Wouldn’t that be more appropriate for February? Why can’t I get a job running Marvel’s calendar division?

So, I’ve decided that since I don’t have the official Women of Marvel calendar to work from, I will put together my own Women of Marvel calendar for the purposes of this segment, featuring some of the women of Marvel who have been overlooked for 3 years.

The Invisible Woman

What better way to launch the first month of the year than with the first lady of Marvel Comics? Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, Susan Storm Richards made her debut in the first issue of “The Fantastic Four,” the comic that launched the Marvel Age.

Susan was the girlfriend of Reed Richards, a brilliant scientist who built a rocket that he and his buddy Ben Grimm were going to launch into space, somehow without anyone in the government knowing. They brought along Sue and her little brother Johnny because, well, I’ve never understood why Reed would take his girlfriend and her brother on a dangerous rocket ride into space. It was the Silver Age. Besides, a comic called “The Fantastic Two” lacks the alliteration that Stan became famous for.

You know the rest. Rocket is bombarded with cosmic rays and the quartet get super powers. Sue was given the ability to become invisible (hence the name). Since invisibility isn’t a very exciting power — especially in a visual medium like comics — Sue was later given the ability to create force fields. I don’t know how invisibility and force fields are related but, hey, Silver Age.

Not only is Sue the first superheroine of Marvel, she’s also first mother. Sue and Reed have two children — Franklin and Valeria — and I don’t have the time or strength to go into their back stories.

Susan has appeared in several FF cartoons and was played by Jessica Alba in two recent Fantastic Four movies. I have no idea why she has never been deemed worthy of her own month in the Women of Marvel calendar series. Probably because she doesn’t show enough skin.