Your Right To Assemble

Time’s up. Turn in your answer sheets and let’s see if you answered enough questions correctly to earn your Avengers ID.

1. Who is not one of the original Avengers?

(c) Captain America joined the group in issue 4.

2. What villain brought the Avengers together?

(a) Thor’s brother Loki, just like in the movie.

3. Who came up with the name ‘The Avengers’ ?

(d) The Wasp

4. How long did HULK stay with The Avengers?

(a) HULK left the team at the end of the second issue. He’s only ever appeared as a guest star since.

5. What has not been a costumed identity for Henry Pym?

(g) The Hornet. Hank has identity issues.

6. Odin is to Thor as _______ is to Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch.

Magneto, arch enemy and sometime ally of the X-Men, is the father of Pietro and Wanda.

7. Which member of the Fantastic Four is not also an Avenger?

(c) The Human Torch. And yes, it hurts Johnny’s feelings.

8. Which member of the X-Men is not also an Avenger?

(b) Cyclops.

9. Which member of the Defenders is not also an Avenger?

(c) Silver Surfer

10. Which member of the Justice League is not also an Avenger?

People, people, people. The Justice League is published by a different company.

11. True/False: Spider-Man is an Avenger.

True. I was at a movie theater recently and this came up and Screenvision or whatever service it was claimed otherwise. Don’t believe everything you read on movie screens before the feature starts.

12. Who is The Avengers’ butler?

(b) Edwin Jarvis, who is not a computer program in the comics.

13. Which Hulk has not been an Avenger?

(d) Red She-Hulk, aka Betty Ross. Yes, HULK history has gotten ridiculous in recent years.

14. The Vision is…

(d) Vision is a synthezoid, human in form and function but made of synthetic parts. I don’t understand it either but I’m not a scientist like Hank Pym.

15. Who first uttered the battle cry “Avengers Assemble” ?

(a) Thor, in issue 10.

16. Which Avenger has not had sex with Hawkeye?

This is complicated. A couple years back the Scarlet Witch went crazy and killed Hawkeye, then resurrected him, then killed him again, then resurrected him again, then disappeared. After the second resurrection Clint was pretty messed up in the head and went to find Wanda. He found her in a small village in Eastern Europe where she had no memory of her past and believed she’d been living there all her life. They have sex. Clint leaves in the morning.

Recently we were told that Dr. Doom found Wanda in the small village and took her back to Latveria with him and left a Wanda-replica-Doombot (that’s a robot built by Dr. Doom) in her place. The unanswered question is this: Did Doom replace Wanda with the robot before or after the encounter with Hawkeye? Only Wanda knows for certain and she hasn’t said anything yet.

I will say this: If Dr. Doom can build a robot capable of fooling a player like Hawkeye that it’s a real woman, then Dr. Doom shouldn’t be nearly as grumpy as he’s usually portrayed.

So at this point the safe answer to the question would be She-Hulk.

17. Which Avengers villain suffers from a serious Oedipal Complex?

(b) Ultron, a robot built by Dr. Pym. He became self-aware and turned on his “father” and has a thing for The Wasp, his “mother.”

18. Loki is to Thor as __________ is to Wonder Man.

The Grim Reaper is Wonder Man’s brother. Note: Wonder Man is not related to Wonder Woman.

19. Yellowjacket and the Wasp’s wedding was disrupted by:

(b) The Circus of Crime

20. S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for:

(a) Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division (b) Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate (c) Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division (d) all of the above (e) none of the above

All of the above. (a) is the original name, it was changed to (b) in the ’90s and (c) is the movie acronym.

Score

20-16: Assemble!

15-10: Maybe you should take some classes at Avengers Academy

9-5: It’s all takin’ and no givin’

4-0: D-Man could’ve done better

Test Your Avengerosity

It’s Avengers Week! Seven shield slinging, hammer swinging, repulsor ray blasting, HULK smashing, arrow firing and guns blazing days in honor of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, who will be making their big screen debut (as a team) on Friday.

But before you can go any further we need to determine if you are worthy of joining this August body. Which naturally means there’s a test. Grab a No. 2 pencil and then put it away, because you can’t really write on a computer screen.

Note: All answers relate to current continuity Avengers comic book history. None of that What If? nonsense or alternate universes or future timeline business.

1. Who is not one of the original Avengers?

(a) Thor (b) Iron Man (c) Captain America (d) Ant Man (e) Wasp (f) HULK

2. What villain brought the Avengers together?

(a) Loki (b) Dr. Doom (c) Red Skull (d) Kang the Conqueror

3. Who came up with the name ‘The Avengers’ ?

(a) Thor (b) Iron Man (c) Captain America (d) Wasp (e) Nick Fury

4. How long did HULK stay with The Avengers?

(a) 2 issues (b) 12 issues (c) 30 issues (d) 50 issues

5. What has not been a costumed identity for Henry Pym?

(a) Ant Man (b) Giant Man (c) Goliath (d) Yellowjacket (e)  Dr. Pym, scientific adventurer (f) Wasp (g) The Hornet

6. Odin is to Thor as _______ is to Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch.

7. Which member of the Fantastic Four is not also an Avenger?

(a) Mr. Fantastic (b) Invisible Woman (c) Human Torch (d) Thing

8. Which member of the X-Men is not also an Avenger?

(a) Beast (b) Cyclops (c) Storm (d) Wolverine

9. Which member of the Defenders is not also an Avenger?

(a) HULK (b) Dr. Strange (c) Silver Surfer (d) Namor the Sub-Mariner

10. Which member of the Justice League is not also an Avenger?

(a) Superman (b) Batman (c) Wonder Woman (d) Green Lantern

11. True/False: Spider-Man is an Avenger.

12. Who is The Avengers’ butler?

(a) Alfred Pennyworth (b) Edwin Jarvis (c) Benson DuBois (d) Carson

13. Which Hulk has not been an Avenger?

(a) HULK (b) She-Hulk (c) Red Hulk (d) Red She-Hulk (e) Skar, Son of Hulk

14. The Vision is a …

(a) mutant (b) robot (c) android (d) synthezoid

15. Who first uttered the battle cry “Avengers Assemble” ?

(a) Thor (b) Captain America (c) Iron Man (d) Wasp (e) Giant Man

16. Which Avenger has not had sex with Hawkeye?

(a) Wasp (Janet, not Hank) (b) Black Widow (c) Scarlet Witch (d) Mockingbird (e) Echo (f) Spider-Woman

17. Which Avengers villain suffers from a serious Oedipal Complex?

(a) Kang (b) Ultron (c) Zemo (d) Thanos

18. Loki is to Thor as __________ is to Wonder Man.

19. Yellowjacket and the Wasp’s wedding was disrupted by

(a) The Masters of Evil (b) The Circus of Crime (c) The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (d) The Wrecking Crew

20. S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for

(a) Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division (b) Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate (c) Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division (d) all of the above (e) none of the above

At the Movies: The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Is five years really that long for an engagement? I just assumed that was standard procedure. But then, if you were marrying me you’d probably put it off for as long as possible as well.

I thought about going to see “The Raven” but early reviews convinced me I had better things to do.

Which brings us to “The Pirates! Band of Misfits,” the latest feature by Aardman Animation. Aardman doesn’t have the reputation of Disney or Pixar, but the British studio has delivered several entertaining films, such as “Chicken Run, “Flushed Away” and the Wallace and Gromit feature and series of shorts. “The Pirates!” isn’t quite as good as any of those, but it’s still charming and fun.

Directed by Peter Lord of “Chicken Run” fame, “The Pirates!” is based on a series of books by Gideon Defoe. The story centers on the Pirate Captain (Hugh Grant), an enthusiastic but somewhat inept terror of the high seas. His crew shares his enthusiasm and lack of talent.

The Captain is determined to win the Pirate of the Year award but he faces stiff competition from such scalawags as Cutlass Liz (Salma Hayek) and Black Bellamy (Jeremy Piven). Among his bumbling attempts to amass booty, the Captain has a run in with Charles Darwin (David Tennant).

Darwin informs him that the ship’s beloved mascot Polly is not really a parrot — she’s a rare dodo bird. If he brings the bird to London to enter a scientific competition, Polly is sure to win first prize, a prize worth its weight in pirate gold.

As is typical of Aardman, “The Pirates!” has several clever bits that children will miss out on but adults will find amusing. There’s still plenty of crazy action and adventure for the kids but there’s also sly, smart comedy for the parents. The film thankfully isn’t polluted with fart jokes, as is usually what passes for all-ages humor these days. The breakout star is Mr. Bobo, a monkey who communicates with flash cards.

While it’s a charming tale, it doesn’t quite have the spark of earlier Aardman works or the big laughs. The film relies on the stop-motion clay animation in the style Aardman is known for. It’s available in 3D, and the 3D is decent but not essential.

 

 

 

 

Hawkeye Update…and Dino Update!

Some say the world will end in 2012 because of the Mayans. Some say it’s because Dick Clark died and there’s no one to usher in 2013. I tend to believe that the world is ending because Hawkeye currently appears in more monthly comic books than Superman.

At first I was joking when I referred to 2012 as the Year of Hawkeye, but Marvel appears determined to keep the spotlight on Clint Barton — despite his inability to drive comic sales. I guess they’re hoping “The Avengers” movie will spur interest. I hope they’re right.

Most of the books I mentioned in the last Hawkeye update have been out for a while now. Clint is now on the staff at Avengers Academy, but he’s clearly just a supporting character there and hasn’t had much to do. It’s a good book, but I don’t recommend it for the Hawkeye factor. Clint is also a key member of the cast of the main “Avengers” title, but it’s now knee-deep in an X-Men crossover and it’s unclear right now how big a role Hawk will play in it. Clint’s main job in “The Avengers” these days is making out with Spider-Woman. Good work if you can get it.

Clint finished off his first story arc leading the “Secret Avengers,” but that title has also been hijacked by the “Avengers vs. X-Men” brouhaha so you won’t see him there for a few months. I haven’t been that impressed with writer Rick Remender’s take on Clint, but it’s too early to judge.

The “Avengers: Solo” mini-series featuring Hawkeye wrapped recently and frankly, I was not impressed. The art was sketchy and confusing and the story was hard to follow — in large part because there were too many characters and the art made it difficult to tell them apart. The “Ultimate Hawkeye” miniseries also wrapped up. I got the collected version but haven’t had a chance to read it yet.

Clint has also recently appeared in “Ghost Rider” (a lame 2-parter), “Avenging Spider-Man” (an OK but not spectacular done-in-one) and took part in a “Captain America” story that I didn’t bother to buy. I didn’t win the Mega Millions lottery, after all.

As far as new and upcoming Hawkeye news, he’s currently part of the cast of “Avengers Assemble,” a new comic launched to cash in on the movie, given that it features an Avengers lineup identical to that in the movie. It made its debut last month but I’m waiting for the trade.

Speaking of the movie, you’d think there’d be a lot of Hawkeye merchandise out there now but the geniuses in marketing are putting pretty much putting all the focus on Thor, Cap, Iron Man and HULK. Which seems like a wasted effort to me — if you really want a Thor hammer or Captain America’s shield, wouldn’t you have got it last year when their movies came out? I did finally run across a Hawkeye bow and arrow at the Disney store last week, so that’s something. I understand they make great belated birthday presents.

The big news for Hawkeye watchers came last week when Marvel announced yet another attempt at a Hawkeye solo series. It launches in August with some pretty stylish art by David Aja. It’s written by Matt Fraction, who’s one of Marvel’s hot new talents so maybe it will last longer than 6 issues.

Finally — about time, I know — we have “Captain America and Hawkeye 629,” in comic book stores today. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “There have been 629 issues of a comic book called ‘Captain America and Hawkeye?'” No. This is another example of the bizarre marketing gimmick known as comic book numbering. Marvel used to publish a long-running title named “Captain America,” but they changed the name to “Captain America and Bucky” last year so they could launch a new “Captain America” book with a shiny new No. 1 on the cover. “Cap and Bucky” wasn’t all that popular, so now they’re making it a Captain America Team-Up book and the first story arc involves Hawkeye. Stupid, I know.

But that’s not important. What’s important is the tagline they’re using to sell this: Captain America and Hawkeye Vs. Dinosaurs!?!

That’s right. Hawkeye and Dinosaurs in the same place. It really is the pop culture apocalypse. Now I know how the guy felt who first put chocolate and peanut butter together. The only way this could be better is if it were Thor and Hawkeye vs. Dinosaurs. Or Batman and Hawkeye vs. Dinosaurs. Or Thor, Batman and Hawkeye vs. Dinosaurs.

Of course, this does create a dilemma. Normally in situations of humans vs. dinosaurs I always side with the dinosaurs. But Hawkeye vs. dinosaurs? I can’t root for them to eat Clint. I wouldn’t mind if they ate Captain America.

At any rate, this has to be the greatest comic of the year, possibly of all time. “Watchmen” didn’t have Hawkeye and dinosaurs.

Whew. I may have to take out a loan to keep up. And the best part is, if the world really ends I won’t have to pay it back.

The More Things Change…

In 1980 Jay Chism was the most popular guy at Stockton High School. I was his comedy relief sidekick. Then we had to go our separate ways.

We don’t see each other much anymore. He lives in the southwestern part of the state, I live in the northeast. We don’t make it home very often and when we do we rarely hook up. We’re not phone people.

Jay was born eight days before me, so I took great pride a few weeks ago in sending him an e-mail notifying him that he was officially over-the-hill while I was still a young man of 49.  He responded that he was on his way to Costa Rica as part of some National Leadership Program he was taking part of and he’d get back to me when he returned.

Yesterday he checked in to congratulate me on jumping the hill, and send me a lovely photo of him with all his birthday cards.

I responded in kind.

I asked Jay how he celebrated the big 5-0. “Mindy surprised me on Friday night with a dinner in Joplin with all the neighbors.” Jay asked how I celebrated. “I had a nice, private dinner with the Wife and Son. We don’t really believe in celebrating birthdays in the Roy family.”

(The truth is a few years back The Wife tried to have a surprise birthday party for me and 3 people showed up. We wound up with a lot of leftover barbecue. She vowed never to do that again. She has kept her word.)

I tell you this story for the benefit of all the teenage nerds in the audience. Sometimes it’s hard to be a young nerd and some people will try to make you feel better by telling you that some day the popular kid will get old and fat and bald and his cheerleader wife will long since have left him and he’ll be poor or working for you as you sit on top of the world with the millions you’ve made as a successful nerd in the real world.

Don’t believe them.

P.S. I bet my birthday cake was more awesome than Jay’s.

 

TV Time: Super Cartoon Roundup

No movie this week. The only thing that looked appealing was “Chimpanzee,” until I discovered it wasn’t about chimps taking over the world but rather was a nature documentary. Who pays to watch those anymore? Isn’t that what Animal Planet is for?

So instead I’ll get caught up on a topic I’ve been putting off for a while. Who knew turning 50 would make a man too tired to blog?

Marvel Anime

If you’re a fan of Marvel Comics and Japanese animation and are one of the five people in the world who get the G4 channel, you might want to check out this block of programming that’s been running for a while. They’re probably available for rent if you don’t have G4. By the way, if you don’t have G4, you’re not missing anything.

Marvel Anime consists of four shows — “Iron Man,” “Wolverine,” “X-Men” and “Blade” — based on Marvel Comics characters made by Madhouse, a Japanese animation studio. If you’ve ever wondered what Tony Stark, Logan and company and Blade the Vampire Hunter would look like with pointed noses, big eyes and elongated bodies — here’s your chance.

Each show consists of 12 episodes and here’s where the great weakness lies: instead of telling a number of stories of varied lengths, each show tells one 12-episode story (I have to confess I only watched a couple of episodes of “Blade” but I’m assuming it followed the same format). None of the stories were worth spending 12 weeks to tell. I lost interest in all the stories long before they ended.

“Wolverine” was probably the best of the bunch. The “Iron Man” series spent so much time with his alter ego that they really should’ve named it “The Tony Stark Show in which Iron Man appears in the last act.”  A shame, too, because Iron Man looks pretty cool in anime. The “X-Men” episodes were often too dark and murky — plus they had Emma and Armor taking away space from X-Men I actually care about.

DC Nation

A couple weeks back Cartoon Network launched its DC Nation block of programming which consists of a Green Lantern cartoon and the second season of “Young Justice.” I’m not sure why two shows makes up a “block” of programming, but whatever.

“Green Lantern: The Animated Series” tells the story of GLs Hal Jordan and Kilowog who are stuck on the other side of the universe fighting the Red Lanterns. It’s a decent show so far. It’s done in CGI-style so the characters look plastic and a bit like action figures, but I don’t mind it. The space stuff looks pretty good.

“Young Justice” is arguably the best animated superhero cartoon airing right now. It’s also well written. And yet I just can’t wholeheartedly support it. I’ve never understood the point of Young Justice in a world that already has the Teen Titans. And I don’t like clone Superboy. And what on earth has happened to Aqualad? And why is he leading the group instead of Robin? I do like the fact that Batman and the Justice League are regular supporting characters. I wish this was a Justice League cartoon.

The DC Nation block also features a variety of shorts that air during commercial breaks I guess to keep kids tuned in during commercials. They’ve got a lot of attention but I haven’t found them very interesting. I was excited about the ones done by Aardman Animations (of Wallace and Gromit fame) until I saw them. They’re just dumb. I can’t believe kids find them entertaining. They also have a bit where people test out comic book weapons. You’ll be pleased to know that batarangs really work.

Marvel Universe

Not to be outdone by their rivals, Disney recently launched an hour of block programming called “Marvel Universe,” which features yet-another Spider-Man cartoon along with the second season of “Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.”

“Ultimate Spider-Man” features young Peter Parker joining up with Nick Fury of SHIELD to learn how to be the ultimate Spider-Man. He’s also teamed up with a bunch of other teen heroes. Ultimate Spidey also now rides a motorcycle for no reason other than — I’m guessing — to sell toys.

This is, by my count, the eighth Spider-Man cartoon series. I’d rank it in the bottom half. I watched the first episode but skimmed the second. It’s trying too hard to be funny and hip. Maybe kids like it, it certainly seems to be aimed at a younger audience than previous efforts.

“Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” continues to be entertaining although the animation still leaves much to be desired. If the people animating “Young Justice” were doing this cartoon, it would be the greatest cartoon ever.

The Marvel Universe block also features shorts to make the commercial breaks run longer. MU features a segment on super powers in the real world (much like DC’s), a segment where Nick Fury gives a bio on the hero of the week, a segment where Marvel Head Honcho Joe Quesada draws a character and talks about him, and “Marvel Mash-Up,” where they take old Marvel cartoons and change the dialogue in a (usually lame) attempt at humor.

Now here’s an interesting comparison/contrast between the DC and Marvel shorts: The DC ones are too short, the Marvel ones are too long. Just when you might be getting interested in a DC short, it’s over. Meanwhile the Marvel ones just go on and on and on…

So the winner in this competition would have to be DC, because it’s far better to leave them wanting more than to make them want to change the channel.

Gone: Levon Helm

I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin’ about half past dead;
I just need some place where I can lay my head.
“Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?”
He just grinned and shook my hand, “no” was all he said.

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fanny, and you put the load right on me.

I picked up my bag, I went lookin’ for a place to hide;
When I saw Carmen and the Devil walkin’ side by side.
I said, “Hey, Carmen, come on let’s go downtown.”
She said, “I gotta go, but m’friend can stick around.”

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fanny, and you put the load right on me.

Go down, Miss Moses, there’s nothin’ you can say
It’s just ol’ Luke, and Luke’s waitin’ on the Judgement Day.
“Well, Luke, my friend, what about young Anna Lee?”
He said, “Do me a favor, son, woncha stay an’ keep Anna Lee company?”

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fanny, and you put the load right on me.

Crazy Chester followed me and he caught me in the fog.
He said, “I will fix your rags, if you’ll take Jack, my dog.”
I said, “Wait a minute, Chester, you know I’m a peaceful man.”
He said, “That’s okay, boy, won’t you feed him when you can.”

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fanny, and you put the load right on me.

Catch a Cannonball, now, t’take me down the line
My bag is sinkin’ low and I do believe it’s time.
To get back to Miss Fanny, you know she’s the only one.
Who sent me here with her regards for everyone.

Take a load off Fanny, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fanny, and you put the load right on me.

— Robbie Robertson

The Pointless, Worthless List for 04.16.12

Top 10 Things Born in 1962

1. The Beatles’ first album

2. Thor (Marvel Comics Version)

3. Bob Dylan’s first album

4. Spider-Man

5. HULK

6. The CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite

7. The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson

8. The James Bond Movie Franchise

9. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

10. Me.

At the Movies: The Cabin in the Woods

Lotta movies opening this weekend. Did not see “The Three Stooges.” Never a big Stooges guy, I prefer the more sophisticated humor of the Marx Brothers. Plus the screening didn’t work with my schedule.

“The Raid: Redemption” has been getting raves as a horribly violent action flick, which sounds like something I would love but again timing didn’t work out. I would’ve gone to the sci-fi thriller “Lockout” but it wasn’t screened at all. I don’t remember what excuse I had for missing “Bully,” but friend and former West Podian Sandi wrote a review online so I’ll just link it here: http://sojo.net/blogs/2012/03/29/parents-take-your-children-see-bully

So what did finally get me to get off the couch and drive across town and spend a couple hours in a darkened theater? A horror-comedy, if you can believe it.

I’m not a big fan of horror movies and I don’t find most comedies amusing, so I’m pleasantly surprised to report that “Cabin in the Woods” was a ridiculously fun film.

I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised because I’m a Joss Whedon fan (but not one of those crazy Joss Whedon fans that worship him and everything he does — I was disappointed in “Dollhouse” and the last season of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”) and this thing has his fingerprints all over it.

Whedon is the film’s producer and he co-wrote the script with its director, Drew Goddard. This is Goddard’s directorial debut but he’s worked with Whedon as a screenwriter on “Buffy” and “Angel.” The movie is very similar in feel and tone with those two shows.

So far I’ve managed to kill 251 words without telling you what this movie’s about and there’s a reason for that. I don’t want to tell you what this movie’s about. “Cabin in the Woods” is the kind of movie where it’s best if you go in not knowing very much about it.

Suffice it to say that it’s your standard horror movie setup: Jock (Chris Hemsworth), blonde bimbo (Anna Hutchison), comic relief (Fran Kranz), smart guy (Jesse Williams) and the cute-but-innocent heroine (Kristen Connolly) drive out to a secluded cabin in the woods for a weekend of fun which turns into a night of terror. The rest you must learn on your own.

“The Cabin in the Woods” makes fun of horror conventions while at the same time trying to make sense of them. If you’ve ever wondered why young people do the stupid things they do in horror movies, the answer is here.

If you’re wondering why Chris Hemsworth looks younger here than in last year’s “Thor,” the answer is that this movie was made first. “Cabin” had been sitting on a shelf since 2009 due to bankruptcy problems with the studio that made the film.

Thankfully, it’s finally clawed its way into theaters. “The Cabin in the Woods” is witty, gory, creepy and sometimes scary. I’m not a big fan of the words “must see,” but if you’re a fan of Joss Whedon’s work then you will want to see this.

All Adele, All The Time

Five months ago I didn’t know who Adele was. Now she’s my favorite entertainer.

It’s not because I love her albums, I think they’re OK. It’s not her powerful voice or her moving lyrics. No, I now love Adele because she’s driving traffic to The Report like crazy.

Typically, The Report draws around 100-150 hits a day. Small potatoes, I know, but I don’t post every day and I don’t promote it at all, other than on Facebook, and I hardly have enough FB friends for that to matter. And yes, I’m sure if you’re my Facebook friend you’re tired of my constant posting of blog updates in my news feed. Well, I’m tired of your baby photos and adorable child anecdotes and links to videos and articles you find amusing, so we’re even.

Last Saturday my hit count jumped to 214, unusual but not unheard of. The next day it was 322. Highly unusual. It dipped back to the 200s on Monday but then jumped to 378 on Tuesday, 392 Wednesday, 384 Thursday and a record-breaking 439 on Friday.

Wha? Granted I did do a calendar update on Sunday but they’ve never been that popular.  The only other thing I posted was something about improv, and I can’t believe there are that many improv fans out there. So I checked closer:

Top Posts (the past week)
For the Record: Adele — 21
1,591 views

You’ve got to be kidding me. I wrote that in January. The album was released a year earlier in Europe and February 2011 in the U.S. I am probably the last person alive to write a review of it.

This is why I blog. I resisted blogging for a long time because I was a serious journalist and bloggers are just poseurs. But then I lost my serious journalist license and, well, here I am. But that’s OK. When you write for a newspaper you have one shot at someone seeing your work and then it’s off to the microfiche at the local library, never to be read again.

But now — I am immortal. At least until the Internet is no more. People can access The Report anytime, anywhere and it’s all there. And I know you’re there, looking at it. I never cease to be amazed at the crap I write that people check out — even months and years after it was written.

Anyway, I’m now addicted to getting more hits, so I’ve decide The RROY REPORT is going to be All Adele, All The Time.

Isn’t she lovely? And such a gifted singer. And her songs — oh how moving, oh how touching. Shouldn’t she have a new album out by now? Where is it? I can’t wait to review it!

Wait. I was just looking through my collection and it turns out I have a copy of  “Adele 19” that I never got around to reviewing. What was I thinking? Stay tuned next week for my better-late-than-never review of “Adele 19.”

And here’s a video to enjoy while you’re waiting.